British POTUS Boris Johnson Betrayed By Bunch Of SPLITTERS! No Really All His Cabinet Split.

Boris Johnson, the glitchy animatronic figure serving as the UK’s prime minister, wants everyone to know that his government is not in crisis and he has no plans to resign, just never you mind the sudden resignations of 25 members of his government in the last day or so. That would include two of Johnson’s top cabinet ministers, both of whom fucked off in protest of Johnson’s general incompetence and awfulness, as CNBC explains:

British Finance Minister Rishi Sunak resigned Tuesday evening, saying the government should be run “properly, competently and seriously.” Health Secretary Sajid Javid, likewise, resigned in protest against Johnson’s leadership, which has been beset by controversy and scandal in recent months.

As a number of senior Tories called for Johnson to quit, the government’s former Brexit negotiator, David Frost, also joined the fray, calling on the prime minister to step down without delay. In a newspaper column Wednesday, Frost echoed other critics of Johnson by stating emphatically that “it is time for him to go,” adding that “if he hangs on, he risks taking the party and the government down with him.”

CNBC, unfortunately, forgot how to do journalism, and hid the all-important sleaze parts of the story 14 paragraphs in, while the Washington Post properly mentions it right in the lede where it belongs: In addition to previous “partygate” scandals involving Johnson and other government officials partying during COVID lockdowns, there’s now a good old fashioned sexual misconduct scandal, too. That involves Conservative MP Chris Pincher, whom Johnson promoted to be “deputy chief whip” in the House of Commons — as the Post helpfully explains, that’s a “leadership role that involved keeping Conservative Party members voting in line with the government’s legislative agenda.”

Unfortunately for Johnson, Pincher resigned from that role last week after tabloids reported he had allegedly groped or attempted to grope multiple men at a bar while he was drunk off his ass. Pincher acknowledged as much in a letter to Johnson, saying he “drank far too much” and “embarrassed myself and other people,” which is a hell of a self-serving way to admit to being a harassy peengrabber.

But wait there’s more!

Pincher had been accused of inappropriate behavior at least twice before. He resigned from his post as government whip in 2017 after a Conservative Party activist accused him of making unwanted advances toward him. And in 2019, after Johnson brought him back into government, Pincher was again accused of similar misbehavior.

Moral of the story to Conservatives: Don’t let a Pincher whip your members, or you might lose your Johnson, Lebowski.

There’s also a lot of stuff about what Johnson knew and when, but we’re not going to top that joke so we’ll move along.

Instead of resigning along with his 10s of cabinet members, Johnson “reshuffled the Cabinet.” Several remaining members of Johnson’s cabinet, perhaps a bit dizzy from all the jostling, nevertheless said they remain loyal and want him to keep on doing whatever it is he’s doing. But the number of faithful Tories keeps declining, and if Tori Amos and Tori Spelling jump ship, he’s toast.

CNBC notes that since at least some top ministers still support Johnson, it’s unlikely there would be snap elections anytime soon unless Johnson were to actually step down. He survived a no-confidence vote in June, though just barely, and unless his Conservative party changes its rules, there can’t be another such challenge for 12 months. Then again, that rule may be less sacred to the Conservatives than the filibuster is to some American senators, so … maybe?

The New York Times reports that Johnson “got a scathing reception in Parliament” early today, with Labour leader Keir Starmer mocking the resignations of several ministers who had initially said they’d stand by Johnson but then stepped down anyway:

“Anyone quitting now, after defending all that, hasn’t got a shred of integrity,” Mr. Starmer said, pointing a finger at Mr. Johnson. “Isn’t this the first recorded case of the sinking ship fleeing the rats?”

Mr. Johnson, looking embattled, apologized again for backing the lawmaker, Chris Pincher, but insisted that he as prime minister was delivering on behalf of the British people. “The job of a prime minister in difficult circumstances, when he’s been handed a colossal mandate, is to keep going,” he declared.

It appears that quite a few top Conservatives are more worried that Johnson himself is getting in the way of their program, however; the Times notes that the BBC reported later Wednesday that

Michael Gove, an influential cabinet member, had told the prime minister that it was time to go. Mr. Gove, the housing secretary, has long been seen as a key power broker in the Conservative Party and was noticeably absent from the frontbenches of Parliament during the tense exchanges earlier in the day.

All in all, it looks like Johnson may run out of defenders, especially since unlike certain American political figures, he lacks a cult of rabid assholes who might turn on anyone who dares threaten their Johnson. It’s not like he even tied the room together, man.

Bring in the marmot!

[CNBC / WaPo / NYT / Photo: Number 10, Creative Commons license 2.0]

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