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Last night’s House January 6 Select Committee hearing focused on how Donald Trump spent January 6, 2021, watching the coup attempt on TV like it was the Treason Bowl, rooting for his team and not being a good sport at all. Fox News, as usual, didn’t air the hearing, but it did offer some online counter-programming yesterday. Fox News Digital ran a very excellent exclusive interview with Melania Trump, in which the former First Lady made clear she was attending to her duties so assiduously on the day of the coup attempt that she had no idea anything was amiss. But if anyone had bothered to tell her, she would most surely have condemned the violence, because she is not a violent vengeful person at all!
Unfortunately, Ms. Trump made clear, her absolutely worthless then-chief of staff Stephanie Grisham, who has since turned against Trumpworld, was too fucking incompetent to even bring the riots to the First Lady’s attention, because that’s just how bad Grisham was at her job. Ms. Trump emphasized that she has “always been very supportive of my former Chief of Staff, Stephanie Grisham” before explaining that Grisham nonetheless managed to suck shit at absolutely everything. (We are paraphrasing here, but only slightly.)
There’s only one word to describe Fox’s article about the interview, and that word is “Trumpian.” Also “batshit,” but that’s sort of implied.
In an interesting departure for the cable propatainment network, the interview excerpts are text only; no video or audio for monstrous leftists to take out of context by showing them in their entirety to make Trump look bad. The article does note that Grisham last month tweeted what appears to be a screenshot of a text exchange on January 6, in which Grisham asked, “Do you want to tweet that peaceful protests are the right of every American, but there is no place for lawlessness & violence?” and Ms. Trump simply replies “No.” (The text had previously been reported last September in advance of Grisham’s memoir.)
We were very much amused by all the “allegedlys” in the article, suggesting the conversation might have been fictional, but we can’t help but notice that if Fox reporter Brooke Singman asked Trump whether the text was real, that isn’t mentioned in the story.
But we do learn that Ms. Trump and everyone on her team were very busy on January 6, and seemingly oblivious to the news that was consuming her husband and the rest of the nation that day. That’s because Melania Trump was so completely devoted to serving the American People and Being Best, you see:
“On January 6, 2021, I was fulfilling one of my duties as First Lady of the United States of America, and accordingly, I was unaware of what was simultaneously transpiring at the U.S. Capitol Building,” Trump told Fox News Digital.
“As with all First Ladies who preceded me, it was my obligation to record the contents of the White House’s historic rooms, including taking archival photographs of all the renovations. Several months in advance, I organized a qualified team of photographers, archivists, and designers to work with me in the White House to ensure perfect execution,” she continued. “As required, we scheduled January 6, 2021, to complete the work on behalf of our Nation.”
The former first lady added that “this is a very significant undertaking and requires great care, attention to detail, and concentration — both in the planning and execution.”
You can just hear her voice, can’t you? That is very definitely not a ghostwritten statement pretending to be an interview, because Singman says it was an interview and gives no indication it’s an email or other written communication. Just Melania speaking in her natural cadence, as we all do when answering someone’s questions, although we’ll also note Singman doesn’t say she asked Trump anything, either. Probably just humble that way. So don’t you worry, Melania Trump was laser-focused on documenting all the decor in the White House while chaos unfolded only a little distance away, and also at the US Capitol.
When the conversation — for surely, that was what it was, a naturally flowing Socratic dialogue on a par with the work of master oral historian Studs Terkel — turns to Grisham and her tenure in the East Wing, you can viscerally sense Trump’s disappointment with her former friend.
After saying the bit about always being super supportive of Grisham, Trump even made clear how generous she’d been to her:
“I stood behind Ms. Grisham after her failed stint as White House Press Secretary and welcomed her back to the East Wing,” Trump said.
Grisham, you may recall, followed Sarah Huckabee Sanders as head liar for the president from July 2019 through early April of 2020, even if “failed stint” sounds more like a botched audition than like the eight months it was.
You see, the problem on January 6 was that Grisham completely failed to do her job, and sadly for America, that made Melania Trump look bad. Ms. Trump simply wanted to correct the record, because the very last thing she would want would be for anyone to think she was indifferent to the terrible violence at the Capitol … if only someone had mentioned it!
Trump continued on in that supportive tone as she spoke to Singman (face to face, we imagine, or perhaps over Zoom, but definitely not in the form of a one-way poison pen statement):
“Ms. Grisham was not in the White House on January 6, and her behavior in her role as Chief of Staff ultimately amounts to dereliction of duty,” Trump said, noting that “traditionally, the First Lady’s Chief of Staff provides detailed briefings surrounding our Nation’s important issues.”
“In fact, Ms. Grisham failed to provide insight and information into the events surrounding January 6 as she had abandoned her post in Washington, D.C.,” she continued. “Shamefully, this behavior has only partially become public knowledge; yet was consistent for Ms. Grisham.”
Trump added: “It is evident that Grisham’s recent betrayals are a last-ditch attempt to resuscitate her ruined career and reputation.”
The interview continued, after a brief mention of Grisham’s text that Singman appears not to have attempted to verify. To make it sound like the completely real back-and-forth the conversation surely was, Singman reminds us that Grisham sent the text the day after Cassie Hutchinson testified about the wild scenes in the West Wing on January 6. Grisham told CNN that when she saw the testimony
I felt compelled to show that text because it was a lot of context I thought, and again, knowing Melania like I did, I was so disappointed and discouraged and sickened that she wouldn’t stand up and just say simply, “There should be no violence.”
Trump explained to Singman that “I always condemn violence,” which we’re sure is the Gospel truth, just like her famous love of Christmas and children in desperate circumstances. Sadly, Grisham’s failure reflected badly on Trump herself, who is the kindest, warmest bravest most wonderful human being Melania Trump has ever met.
“Had I been fully informed of all the details, naturally, I would have immediately denounced the violence that occurred at the Capitol Building,” Trump said. “And while Ms. Grisham’s behavior is disappointing, it is not surprising or an isolated incident.”
She added: “This is not the first time a former staffer has tried to maintain relevancy and profit by using my name to create a false narrative.”
So you peons just better not badmouth Melania Trump, who would surely execute any traitor who suggests she’s not magnanimous. She absolutely would have condemned the attempt to overthrow the election, especially if Grisham had found an example of Michelle Obama condemning violence at some other time.
For the sake of context, Singman lets Fox fans know about the hearings and their major findings:
The Jan. 6 committee is now holding a series of hearings to attempt to capture Americans’ attention before the November midterm elections — as they compete with inflation, rising gas prices and more for political attention.
It’s really helpful when journalists let you know how their stories fit into the wider hustle and bustle of today’s modern world, even when they pale in significance to serious matters like Hunter Biden’s taint and the ongoing threat of drag queen story hour.
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Moderator Note: Yes, this is a story about Melania Trump. Because you filthy fuckaducks are all well acquainted with the rules, I’m certain your comments will focus on what a mean, nasty person she is, and that you won’t make misogynist comments that have nothing to do with the story or her nasty attitude toward others.
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