Wonkette’s News Of Today Is Not Sleeping With RFK Jr.

What did we learn since I last newslettered at you like seven hours ago? Some things!

Dok did you some tabs, since I took yesterday to watch nine hours of “Kids Baking Championship”! They were good tabs!

All The News Happened All At Once! Tabs For Friday, Sept. 20, 2024

*Hanged.

Liquidating Rudy Giuliani Exhumed To Scream That Biden Should Be Hung*

Robyn had more to yell at the Teamsters’ Sean O’Brien since yesterday o.O

Someone Should Tell Teamsters Prez Sean O’Brien He’s Doing A Bad Job Of Explaining Himself

So there’s an election in under two months, that’s no reason not to change electoral vote requirements!

Trump Sends Lindsey Graham To Nebraska For Last Gasp Electoral Vote Ratf*ck Attempt

It would in fact be great!

Hey Missouri! It Would Be So Great If You Didn’t Execute An Innocent Man Next Week!

Fuck you.

Trump Once Again Demands The Jews Vote For Him, OR ELSE.

And fuck YOU? No, thank you. We’re fine.

No One At Wonkette Has Sexted Or Wants To Sext With RFK Jr., In Case You Were Wondering

Some crying may have been involved.

Oprah Hosted Kamala Harris’s Online Town Hall. You Get A Safe Abortion! YOU Get A Safe Abortion!

And some NOT CRYING, only fine wine and laughter!

Enjoy National Treasure Jasmine Crockett Dragging Project 2025ers For Filth

Cocktober comes earlier every year!

Horny Tennessee Congressman Divorces Wife After Discovering Fountain Of Youth (A Much Younger Woman)

And the easiest drink Hooper will ever serve you. First, open this can.

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week’s Cocktail, Freezer Negronis!

Come join us over the weekend for more news and such! Bye-bye!