Wonkette Will Never Give You A Plain Cheese Sandwich

Hello old friends from Wonkette dot com and new friends from the Marvel DC Substack universe. I’ve come to talk to you about plain cheese sandwiches.

Nineteen years ago, Gawker started Wonkette. Then they sold Wonkette. AND THEN THEY DIED. Eleven years ago I bought myself a job running this joint, from which I can never ever be fired and at which I will never ever ever have a boss.

Then, working 100 hours a week, from 5 am to 10 pm, drunk by noon and crying all the time, I hired some people. Then I threw out all the ads and you sent us money to hire more people. And I married one! And now we’ve got Evan and Dok and Robyn and SER full-time and decently paid, and a host of permafreelancers like Liz and Michael and Gary and Martini making your lovely gifs and Hooper, your bartender, making you beverages. We bring you roughly a dozen news posts a day about policy, about assholes, about politics, about almost every important thing, with writers with a point of view and a long hard depth of knowledge. Our community members have been hosting their own meet-ups, their own movie nights (every Saturday night, Ziggy’s pick!), their own cake bakeries, their own birthday clubs. And we’re able to do that all because of a very very small tiny less than one percent of our readers, who are putting their money where my mouth is.

Wonkette readers don’t agree on everything (Wonkette writers don’t agree on everything), but there’s some that are non-negotiable: People should be paid a living wage. We should try to make things less sexist and racist and stop being mean to the gays and the LBTs. Assault weapons have no place in your church, your grocery store, your nightclub, or your child’s classroom. And when children are hungry, you feed them — and not the plain cheese sandwich of shame.

In the past year, our finances have dropped by quite a lot. I’ve cut some easy expenses and some hard ones. Today we’ve moved to Substack, for several reason, not at all least of which is a giant savings in terms of hosting our massive archive of nonsense going back almost two decades. I’m also mighty hopeful that Substack’s network effect will bring us lots of new readers who will hopefully not sniff haughty things about “oh Wonkette still exists?” A) Eat me, Seymour, and B) That’s right, bitches, DO ANY OTHER WEBSITES STILL EXIST?

Shut up, no, they do not.

(Regular Wonkette commenters, this is where I implore you to be good hosts and not chase off the newcomers. I mean it. BE — MOSTLY — NICE.)

It is extremely important to me that Wonkette always be free for everyone. We’re fighting a war against not only disinformation but the fracturing of the concept of truth itself, and you can’t do that from behind a paywall. Plus as a shitlib Biden-lover European-style socialist (i.e., a not-good-enough one), it matters to me that none of our readers are better or lesser than others, at least not as counted by ability to pay.

So while Substack gives me the ability to restrict reading or commenting by free- or paid-subscriber status, I simply can’t do it. There will never be a paywall as long as I am the editrix and proprietress of Wonkette, the world’s last website.

So if you at all have the ability, we ask that you help us continue to make Wonkette free for everyone, to spread truth and facts and hilarity and only the best kind of nonsense: Chip in via a paid subscription or a one-time donation if you’re not ready to make it monthly — and if you can’t, we love you.

(Wonkers will refrain from noting each other’s paid- or free-subscriber status because that’s shitty and classist, and also a bunch of you are subscribing in grandfathered-in — racist term! — non-Substack ways. As always, email me if you need help canceling or changing your donation at rebecca at wonkette dot com.)

Nobody gets the plain-cheese sandwich. Wonkette gives EVERYBODY EAT.

Want to just donate once?

Wonkers, welcome to our Substack. GAME ON!