Tucker Carlson Triggered In Every Way By Black Lesbian Brittney Griner Being Freed From Russia, Jeeeeeeesus

Let’s get a couple few things clear:

If you are anything but happy about Brittney Griner being released from Russian custody, you are a sicko, a psychopath, and/or just a racist bigot who’s offended a Black lesbian sportsballer is getting “special treatment” by not being forced to live out the next decade in a Russian labor camp. (Not saying you can’t have other thoughts on the subject. But one of them should be, “Regardless, hooray!”)

Nextly, we are pretty sure 99.9 percent of the MAGA trash claiming to have Very Serious Opinions about this did not know who the hell Paul Whelan was before yesterday morning, and they sure as hell didn’t know who Viktor Bout was. These idiots whining about an arms dealer being sent back to Polonium Island didn’t seem too bothered by Russian criminals when they were rubbing their Russian junk up against Donald Trump’s campaign and presidency.

Fuck off so hard your heads spin, losers.

One more thing: It’s abundantly clear that — just as President Joe Biden explained yesterday — nobody got “skipped in line” here. Russia is the one that’s arresting Americans on bullshit charges and using them as bargaining chips. Russia is accusing Paul Whelan of being a spy, therefore wants a spy for a[n accused] spy.

When Cherelle Griner spoke yesterday, she promised to keep fighting for Paul Whelan’s release. David Whelan, Paul Whelan’s brother, said in a statement yesterday that while the family is distraught his brother hasn’t been released yet, he wanted to make one thing very clear:

“It is so important to me that it is clear that we do not begrudge Ms. Griner her freedom,” David Whelan said. “As I have often remarked, Brittney’s and Paul’s cases were never really intertwined. It has always been a strong possibility that one might be freed without the other.”

All of these things should be more than enough reasons for MAGA trash shut its trap about subjects it knows nothing about. Especially the part where David Whelan explains that he knows that “Brittney’s and Paul’s cases were never intertwined.”

Spoiler alert. MAGA trash did not shut its trap.

It was hard to get excited about all the garden variety MAGA trash throughout the day yesterday, though. Donald Trump Jr. desperately seeking his father’s approval on Twitter by repeating his talking points? BFD. Matt Walsh being Matt Walsh? Sorry, did he take a break from endangering children’s hospitals to comment on this?

Quite frankly, we knew Tucker Carlson, grand wizard of the vile fascist white scumbags, would outdo them all. He did not disappoint.

Tucker is pretty sure Joe Biden wants to force Paul Whelan to stay in Russia because he is white and not a lesbian.

At the beginning of the clip, Tucker spread a conspiracy theory conservatives are latching onto that the Kremlin really did give the Biden administration a simple choice between Whelan and Griner, but that NBC News changed its original reporting to that effect in order to HIDE THE TRUTH.

Our transcript picks up there:

TUCKER CARLSON: So at this point, we can assume the obvious, the Biden administration chose Brittney Griner over Paul Whelan.

See above.

The basketball player over the Marine facing 16 years. There was only room for one in the lifeboat, and the Marine got left behind.

Paul Whelan’s release was never on the table here, see above.

Well, why’d they make that choice? Well, you should know that Whelan is a Trump voter and he made the mistake of saying so on social media. He’s paying the price for that now.

Donald Trump didn’t do fuckall to free Paul Whelan when he was president. Russia arrested Whelan while Trump was president. If Donald Trump ever even brought it up to his boyfriend Vlad … LOL just kidding of course he didn’t. Rebecca made a stupid tweet about it, and she’s jamming it in here.

Also, is Joe Biden the one who holds desperate tiny-dicked grudges against people who didn’t vote for him, or is this all … we need a way stronger word than projection.

Brittney Griner is not. She has very different politics. Brittney Griner despises the United States, she’s been very vocal about that.

Brittney Griner has spoken out in support of national anthem protests against racial discrimination. That’s it. Even Fox News admits that’s all it is, in one of the most juvenile op-eds you will ever read. We understand that if you are a white nationalist with masculinity issues, those opinions coming from a Black lesbian athlete may read as “despises the United States.”

This country is so repellant and immoral that two years ago she said “I honestly feel we should not play the national anthem during our basketball season.”

Even Tucker admits that’s all it is. Guess what? Go fuck yourself.

She hates the country so much she doesn’t want to hear its anthem.

Left without any actual examples of Brittney Griner hating America, these losers just have to keep repeating the one thing about how it hurts their thin-skinned feelings when the lady refuses to cry bald eagle tears when the national anthem plays. She probably thinks that Lee Greenwood “proud to be an American” song is a redneck piece of shit too. (She would be correct.)

That’s the kind of position that gets you rewarded by Joe Biden. Hate America? Perfect. We’ll free the guy who sold weapons to drug cartels to get you out early. So, there’s that.

Lady doesn’t even try to hit the high note of song! Does not know the hand motions to song! Why lady hate song so much? Jesus wrote song for America sing! Lady sing song right now!

And then there’s the matter of identity, which is central to equity. Britney Griner is not white and she’s a lesbian. Now, those facts might seem irrelevant to you — we hope they do seem irrelevant, because they are — but they’re not irrelevant to the White House press secretary. In the view of the White House press secretary, those are essential qualifications for a prisoner swap.

Those facts are not irrelevant to Tucker.

At this point, Tucker played a clip of White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre explaining that the choice here was between bringing Brittney Griner home and bringing no one, and explaining that the Biden administration will never stop trying to get Paul Whelan released.

Then Jean-Pierre said Brittney Griner is a Black lesbian, said it was personal for her, and that Griner is an inspiration to LGBTQ Americans and women of color. That’s what set Tucker off.

Tucker lied directly to his dumbfuck viewers and said Jean-Pierre had said, “And by the way so am I.” Jean-Pierre did not say that in the clip Tucker played. She only said “On a personal note.” Regardless, any normal human being would understand that Jean-Pierre was simply saying it meant something to her as a Black lesbian, a member of two groups that have been historically oppressed and discriminated against by the Tucker Carlsons of American history.

Tucker asked his dumbfuck viewers what would have happened if Sean Spicer had said he was thrilled when straight white men got out of prison. That would have been an overtly white supremacist statement, obviously, but one of fascist white nationalist Christians’ favorite tricks is to negate the lived experiences of all people who aren’t white heterosexual Christian conservative men, mouthfucking that Martin Luther King Jr. quote about “content of character” and swearing that any acknowledgment of membership of a historically oppressed group is “irrelevant.”

Of course, the tell was that while Tucker was swearing it shouldn’t matter, swearing Brittney Griner being a Black lesbian was “irrelevant,” you could see him sneering and seething and making the sideways “laughing until I’m crying” emoji in his mind.

He does that a lot. It’s one of his tells, like when he stares directly at the camera and tells you something is true. It’s like a nervous tic.

Anyway. There’s your Tucker commentary on Brittney Griner. Hope it ruins his weekend to know how happy Brittney Griner and her wife are right now.

[Media Matters]

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