Meet Missouri Congressman Billy Long! He is a Republican currently running for the US Senate, and he has some thoughts about how and why gun violence and mass shootings happen. Does it have anything to do with the guns NO IT DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE GUNS, SILLY! Come on, this is a good Christian conservative guy, and that means he is “pro-life,” and you can’t be “pro-life” unless you always carry your favorite gun around all stuck up in your armpit like it is a weird second penis what comes out of your armpit. Or at least that’s what the Bible says.
No, it’s abortion’s fault. Yes, we have another post this morning where it is the fault of “video games” and “rap music” and “violins on television.” Please disregard that post for right now and consider it lies, because in this post it is “abortion’s” fault.
Here’s what BrainSmarts McWords up there said on the radio:
“When I was growing up in Springfield, you had one or two murders a year. Now, we have two, three, four a week in Springfield, Missouri. So, something has happened to our society. I go back to abortion, when we decided it was okay to murder kids in their mothers’ wombs. Life has no value to a lot of these folks.”
Back in his day there wasn’t hardly no murders down there in Springfield, but now there’s 75,000 murders a week in Springfield. He is talking about Springfield, Missouri, and we are confused because this article says there were 22 murders there in 2020 and perhaps as many as 26 in 2021. Not sure how that adds up to “two, three, four a week,” but we are familiar with the concept of white Republican men shitting their pants and imagining violent crime is about eleventy million times more prevalent than it really is.
But goodness gracious, we fear we are missing his point, which is that he goes back to abortion, because when we decided it was just fine to “murder kids” in their mommies’ bellies, that was when the outside-belly murders began. 🙁
Life has “no value to a lot of these folks.” Which folks? Oh, just the murderers. Yes, we know white supremacist mass murderers and other violent hate crimers sometimes leave manifestos that say they did it because they believe in bugfuck “great replacement” conspiracy theories like those popular on far-right internet message boards, conspiracy theories awfully similar to what regularly shows up on Tucker Carlson’s program, about minorities replacing white Christian Americans. But really obviously what they REALLY mean to say is that murder is fine because somebody somewhere might be getting an abortion right now. It is just so obvious.
(By the way, a new poll says fully two out of three Republicans have embraced that particular eliminationist white supremacist “great replacement” conspiracy theory. That’s how bad things have become in America.)
And all the other mass shootings, like in Uvalde, where racism and bigotry weren’t obvious causes? Well you just gotta go back to abortion. Yes, even though it has nothing to do with abortion. You just gotta go back to it.
And all the other shootings? Well you just gotta go back to abortion. That’s what some hayseed dumbfuck running for the Senate in Missouri says you gotta do, so you just gotta do it.
You doing it? You better be!
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