God Closes Kevin McCarthy Door, Puts ‘Kick Me’ Sign On Some Dork Patrick McHenry’s Window

Wonkette mentioned this in its earlier post about Kevin McCarthy’s Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day Life, but it deserves its own post.

Y’all remember how Eric Swalwell got up in Kevin McCarthy’s face recently on the House floor and called him a pussy and Kevin was GRR SO MAD like SAY IT TO MY FACE! and Swalwell was like UM I JUST DID and so on?

We cannot speak for the genteel congressmen from California, but we will not be surprised if one day he has a similar encounter with Rep. Patrick McHenry, the new (acting) speaker of the House, some kind of bow-tie-wearing incel-looking fuckin’ nerd who is just a little bit too excited the Lord picked him to shine in this moment in history.

Wait, did we say shine? Haha, like he did anything to earn his current mediocre white boy station in life. LOL no. McHenry represents the 10th District of North Carolina, AKA the most Republican one in North Carolina. Any nondescript white bigot with Little Man Syndrome could win it.

Which brings us to!

The story that’s getting the most traction right now is that just minutes after McHenry got the (acting) gavel, he felt that theeeee most important thing to do was to kick former speaker Nancy Pelosi out of her Capitol hideaway office while she was out of town at her friend and colleague Dianne Feinstein’s funeral.

“Please vacate the space tomorrow, the room will be re-keyed,” wrote a top aide on the Republican-controlled House Administration Committee. The room was being reassigned by the acting speaker “for speaker office use,” the email said.

Big man. Biiiiiiiiig man! Everybody turn around and do a salute at the biiiiiiig man!

Pelosi responded with more class and respect than McHenry deserved, but just the right amount of shade.

“With all of the important decisions that the new Republican leadership must address, which we are all eagerly awaiting, one of the first actions taken by the new Speaker Pro Tempore was to order me to immediately vacate my office in the Capitol. Sadly, because I am in California to mourn the loss of and pay tribute to my dear friend Dianne Feinstein, I am unable to retrieve my belongings at this time.

“This eviction is a sharp departure from tradition. As Speaker, I gave former Speaker Hastert a significantly larger suite of offices for as long as he wished!

“Office space doesn’t matter to me, but it seems to be important to them. Now that the new Republican leadership has settled this important matter, let’s hope they get to work on what’s truly important for the American people.”

“And Hastert was a fuckin’ child molester pedo creep racist! Why are so many conservative Republicans like that?” Pelosi did not add, because she is classier than we are.

Folks were seen packing up Pelosi’s office last night.

So that’s one thing this snitty little human pocket protector did last night.

A lot of people are also making fun of the melodramatic big smashy way he banged his first gavel:

Big man. BIG MAAAAAAAAN!

You better eat your vegetables, just wait until your father gets home, ‘cause your father is a BIG MAAAAAAAN!

This five-second video of McHenry walking with his new security detail shared by Politico’s Anthony Adragna is even funnier, trust us:

It just goes to show that the promises from the Bible are true, namely that while sometimes God closes a McCarthy door, God also comforts us by putting a “Kick me” sign on the back of some dork named Patrick McHenry and tells everybody that guy pooped his shorts and got a boner in gym class, ewwww let’s call him Stinky Boner, let’s tell the whole school about Stinky Boner, ewwwwwwww.

[Politico / videos via Howard Mortman and Anthony Adragna]

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