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Before it broke that SecDef Pete Hegseth was shooting the breeze in the emoji fist bump live-chat while war-crime-bombing residential neighborhoods with children in them, eyebrows had already been raised at the Pentagon because of how he’d been flaunting his lack of interest in OPSEC by bringing along his third wife Jennifer Rauchet Hegseth to very need-to-know-basis-only meetings.
The wife, of course, has no need to know anything, she is not a government employee, or an employee anywhere. She met Pete when she was a producer on “Fox & Friends,” that morning show he reportedly showed up drunk to a lot, but she’s quit and now her full-time job is caring for Pete.
Pete was married to another lady — Samantha — when he met Jen, a lady who he reportedly terrorized so badly that she had to hide in a closet with a code word, and Pete’s own mother was so horrified by him at one point that she called him an “an abuser of women” who “belittles, lies, cheats, sleeps around, and uses women for his own power and ego” and scolded him to “Get some help and take an honest look at yourself.” In August 2017, while still married to Samantha, Hegseth’s daughter Gwen was born to Jen. In September 2017, Samantha filed for divorce, and in October Pete was accused of rape. While his baby was two months old!
We guess Jen still thought Pete was a great catch anyway, and after he finalized his divorce from Samantha they got married.
Jennifer on Instagram: “They won’t stop with Pete. It’s not him they’re after. It’s your values. We won’t back down. 🇺🇸Psalm 27”
Which values, one wonders.
Anyway, now Jennifer’s going to secret Defense Department meetings, why? Emotional support? Designated driver? To remind him what happened at the meeting in case he blacks out? To be sure he’s really at the meeting and not actually out cheating with some hypothetical future fourth Mrs. Hegseth? Is he bringing her just to show that he can, like the way Elon Musk drags his darling prop, we mean child? Why didn’t security throw her out of those secret meetings? Shrug emoji!
One thing’s for sure, authoritarianism means keeping business in the family.
Alpha male Hegseth has also gotten his podcaster/venture capitalist little brother Philip a job as the DHS liaison to the Defense Department, even as 47,500 to 76,000 job cuts are planned for the Pentagon. Li’l’ bro-in’ is an essential service, because you can’t have bro trips without your bro! They’ve recently visited Hawai’i and bases in the Pacific, and also Guantanamo together, and even got to meet Irish mixed-martial-adjudicated-rapist Conor McGregor. PUSSGRAB POWER! Fist bump fire eagle emoji!
Yes, yes, it’s against federal law for a government official to hire, promote, or recommend their relatives for a job underneath them. But Phil being a DHS employee is a loophole. This is not the first job Pete has affirmative-actioned for his little bro: when he was CEO of Concerned Veterans for America/running it into the ground, Pete paid Phil $108,000 to do “media relations.” Guess those media relations did not work!
Also, Pete’s OPSEC problems continue! DER SPIEGEL found his email addresses, mobile numbers, WhatsApp and Signal account and in some cases, passwords for addresses still in use in more than 20 publicly accessible online leaks. Guys selling bootleg Bart Simpson T-shirts on Etsy have better online security, so we probably haven’t seen the last of leaked embarrassments from this idiot administration.
MEANWHILE, Hegseth was mighty quiet for five days about how four members of the US 1st Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division have been missing at the Pabrade training ground in Lithuania, after their armored vehicle became submerged in a peat bog during an exercise. How do you fuck up so bad you lose four entire people in a peat bog? Four people were fired from the State Department after four people died in Benghazi.
On Sunday Hegseth finally had some words to say about it, and those words are basically hey, been thinking about the soldiers and sending prayers, but y’know, stuff happens!
“It’s a reminder no matter whether it’s an actual combat situation, whether it’s training or exercises, nothing in the world of soldiering is routine. It all comes with danger and with risks.”
Risks, said the guy who risked the lives of soldiers by putting WAR PLANS IN THE CHAT. And, thinking about them? Anything more specific information about what they are doing to find bodies that got lost in a peat bog that they can’t find, even though everybody knows exactly where their truck sank? (Polish engineers are helping, even though the US has made it clear it does not plan to do shit to help Poland with their Putin problem, and the Trump administration thinks Europe is full of smelly freeloaders who are being oppressed by their free health insurance and socialist childcare.)
Welp, like sand through the hourglass, such is Pete’s douchebro life. Can a man who takes no responsibility for anything, ever, and can’t even keep his LinkedIn login safe, manage to invade Greenland or Panama? Guess we will find out!
