On Wednesday, Trump withdrew his surgeon general nomination for Dr. Janette Nesheiwat, allegedly on the advice of one Laura Loomer, who was displeased with the former Fox News contributor’s history of supporting the COVID vaccine and vaccines in general. Her replacement? “Wellness influencer” Dr. Casey Means, who describes herself as a “medical doctor, writer, tech entrepreneur, and aspiring regenerative gardener who lives in a state of awe for the miracle of existence and consciousness.”
I don’t know if you can really call yourself a “medical doctor” if your license to practice medicine is expired, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
So let’s get to know her, shall we?
Means studied, initially, to be a head and neck surgeon, but dropped out in order to pursue a career in “functional medicine,” or what one might call “bullshit” or, perhaps more accurately, “fucking bullshit.” It’s a brand of alternative medicine based largely on “vibes” and “things we made up.” For instance, you know all that nonsense about how people need to “detox” from “heavy metals?” That’s functional medicine. Also, the only proven way to truly detox from heavy metals is to listen to a lot of Barry Manilow.
Functional medicine also results in things like this list posted to Means’ Instagram, listing the diseases she claims are “linked to synthetic pesticide use.”
Surprise! It is all of the diseases! Now, there are certainly issues with many synthetic pesticides, but those issues are not that they cause ADHD or autism or ALS or Parkinson’s. That’s why you’ll notice that, like many other practitioners of “functional medicine” she says “linked to” instead of “caused by.” Because it’s all just hypothetical. Anything can be “linked to” anything, as the Kevin Bacon rule has taught us all.
Dr. Means also tells people they should rely on their “heart intelligence and divine intuition” instead of “blindly trusting ‘the science,’” which is, I imagine, how she came up with most of her theories. Now, I would never suggest that anyone should blindly go along with anything — always get a second opinion, I say! — but “heart intelligence and divine intuition” are not more reliable than peer-reviewed studies.
In the Instagram post above, Dr. Means writes:
We are a swirl of energy and matter in constant exchange with everything in the cosmos.
We live in a quantum universe and our biology is controlled by a star ☀️.
We are spiritual beings having a dualistic experience in the material realm. […]
It’s a dark time when we allow ourselves to be told to not trust ourselves.
To not trust the spirit in us.
To not trust our magic.
Medicine has always been an art and a science, until recently, to our great detriment.
Feel free to take a moment to scream loudly into the void, should a void be available to you.
Dr. Means’ big claim, however, is that “metabolic health” — or what she deems “good energy” — is the source of all good health, while bad metabolic health (“bad energy”), much like pesticides, seed oils and vaccines, is the cause of all ill health. Now, again, no one would dispute that metabolic health is important, but it’s not the cause of or solution to all of life’s ailments (that’s booze).
Means’ book promotes the pursuit of Good Energy, which she defined as great metabolic health. “It governs the very essence of what (quite literally) makes you tick,” she said in the book, “whether your cells have the energy to do their jobs of keeping you nourished, clear-minded, hormonally balanced, immune protected, heart-healthy, structurally sound — and so much more.”
According to Means, roughly 93% of US adults have “Bad Energy,” or poor metabolic health. She attributes conditions like depression, infertility, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, erectile dysfunction, cancer, and Alzheimer’s to habits like eating ultra-processed foods and sleep deprivation. Means argues that inflammation and oxidative stress, unstable molecules that cause cell damage, underpin these modern diseases.
She wrote a whole book on the subject, a New York Times bestseller, titled Good Energy: The Surprising Connection Between Metabolism and Limitless Health.
Limitless health!
Dr. Means also puts out near-daily newsletters on a variety of topics, like “Wheat, Gluten and Mental Health: Exploring the Link,” and “Chats With ChatGPT About A Healthier Future,” nearly all of which are sponsored by pseudoscientific supplement companies. Like so:
LivOn is giving a VERY special offer to my community: Buy Lypo-Spheric® Glutathione and get Lypo-Spheric® B Complex Plus ($56 value) for FREE! This is an INCREDIBLE 2-for-1 offer. Just go to LivOnLabs.com, add both supplements to your cart, and enter code GOODENERGY at checkout.
Well that doesn’t sound at all like snake oil!
We should also mention that, despite sounding a little hippy dippy, she is fiercely opposed to both IVF and birth control pills, which she claims represent a “disrespect of life.”
You know, I thought that Trump’s other picks were bad — and they were! But Means is an objectively insane pick. You may as well have a Surgeon General whose primary concern is balancing the four humours. Is she going to put warnings on canola oil? Make the Ramtha-cult-produced “documentary” What the Bleep Do We Know? required viewing in all schools? Insist that medical schools teach phrenology and homeopathy?
All things are possible in this, the stupidest of all possible worlds.
Update: OPEN THREAD (like you filthy fuckaducks need to be told — Dok)
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