Trump Spox Idiot Pretty Sure Refusing To Air Trump’s Million-Hour Babble Speech Is UNCONSTITUTION

As expected, Donald Trump announced he is running for president again last night, because we guess we just have to keep beating that dumb motherfucker. He made the announcement because he needs attention, his feelings are hurt that everybody is pointing and laughing about how he just ruined a national election for Republicans (again), and also he’s seemingly stupid enough to think he won’t get arrested if he’s a presidential candidate.

The speech was a babbling, million-hour-long grievance festival, a stemwinder of senility, and from what people are saying, extremely weak and low-energy and boring, and we have little interest in the details. Here’s one taste if you are thirsty for some reason:

Why didn’t they raid the other presidents who DIDN’T steal state secrets likely in order to commit treason? he asked.

Yeah, you missed nothing.

And we weren’t the only ones uninterested in the details. CNN cut away from it. MSNBC hardly aired it that we saw. Even Sean Hannity cut away from it on Fox News. Gee, seems like they were trying to leave early just like the attendees of the actual speech tried to leave early (but security wouldn’t let them WOMP WOMP).

But Liz Harrington, one of the Trump spokespeople who comes across like she’s doing this for extra credit for Mrs. Mom, her favorite teacher at homeschool, told Steve Bannon before the speech that it would be UNCONSTITUTION for anybody to cut away from/fail to air Dear Leader’s glorious announcement of his rearrival, even though it sure does seem like the loser motherfucker never left.

“They don’t want the American people to hear directly from the biggest leader of the greatest political movement in our history. So, I do suspect they’ll try to censor and cut away.

“However, the people are anxious to hear from him. So, they will go right around the major networks if they do indeed cut away.

“We do not have the First Amendment. It’s under attack.”

See? UNCONSTITUTION. We do not have the First Amendment if we are not all forced to listen to Trump babbling at us.

If that dumb dick right there thinks this country is going to put up with Trump’s incessant yapping for a full two-year-long presidential campaign, she clearly has no clue why Joe Biden beat the shit out of him so hard in 2020. And needless to say, regardless of what this nitwit says, this has nothing to do with the First Amendment.

But yeah, nobody really seemed to want to air the speech. Here’s Fox News talking about how awesome the speech was before it was even over, while a muted Trump babbled on the right side of the screen:

And here are Sean Hannity, Mike Huckabee and Pete Hegseth giving Trump’s speech one million mouth hugs for being the best speech ever given — Huckabee was the big slurper in this clip, saying the speech was “pitch perfect” and “absolutely brilliant” and “best I’ve heard him give in a long time” and that Trump was “unbeatable in 2024” if he keeps giving perfect speeches like this — while the speech continued on the right side, because the speech wasn’t anywhere near over.

And so it went.

Here is conservative idiot Byron York bitching that the Washington Post did not sufficiently caress the royal testes in covering Dear Leader’s announcement.

And that gives us a lovely segue into how the media covered it. The Post headline is “Trump, who as president fomented an insurrection, says he is running again.” Which is entirely accurate. Below that, the subheadline: “The twice-impeached former president has been eager to declare his candidacy, hoping to get ahead of likely rivals and potential criminal charges.”

The lede reads:

PALM BEACH, Fla. — Donald Trump, the twice-impeached former president who refused to concede defeat and inspired a failed attempt to overturn the 2020 election culminating in a deadly attack on the U.S. Capitol, officially declared on Tuesday night that he is running to retake the White House in 2024.

Checks out. That’s how you cover a traitor declaring that he wants to once again steal power.

The article gives a good overview of the event. It sets the scene in context of Trump once again being electoral poison for the GOP in last week’s midterms, and as he threatens to destroy another Georgia Senate run-off for his own party. It covers the myriad criminal investigations Trump is facing, and how it’s unprecedented for a person under that many criminal investigations to be running for president.

And it noted what a parade of human garbage showed up at Mar-a-Lago for the announcement. Hey, y’all, the MyPillow Guy was there! And Madison Cawthorn and Roger Stone and Texas AG Ken Paxton and Matt “Meatball McPeenerToilet” Whitaker, who ran the Justice Department for five minutes when literally nobody else was available. Can you imagine how many untreated hemorrhoids were present in the room?

NPR’s lede was even better, jarring in its simplicity:

Donald Trump, who tried to overthrow the results of the 2020 presidential election and inspired a deadly riot at the Capitol in a desperate attempt to keep himself in power, announced he is running again for president in 2024.

Simple as that. Not another thing to say about this, really.

Except this:

If Trump doesn’t ended up buried under a federal prison, no matter how much he runs for president, America is a failed state.

UPDATE: The New York Post is sticking with trolling Trump, like all the Murdoch properties have been lately. Here’s how they covered it, on page 26:

[JoeMyGod / ibid. / Washington Post / NPR]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!

Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.