Trump Maybe About To Get 30 Or 45 Bonus Indictments For Being Suuuuuuuch A Good Criminal

Special Counsel Jack Smith doesn’t seem to understand (stupid) that Donald Trump was drinking Diet Coke (refreshing) when he spilled national military secrets all over that lady at Bedminster (fake news), and that moreover the recording of Trump doing that was a perfect recording (Trump did nothing wrong). Jack Smith also apparently doesn’t read laws as good as Tom Fitton (beautiful biceps, right out of central casting) and therefore doesn’t understand that the Presidential Records Act is just a picture of Donald Trump sitting on the toilet next to the pool at Mar-a-Lago looking at the nuclear diagrams he personally owns (only he knows how to read them).

And now news comes out that Special Counsel Trump Derangement Syndrome and his Trump-hating wife Mrs. Special Counsel Trump Derangement Syndrome are planning to indict Trump maybe 30 or 45 more times. And no, this is not (mostly) about the January 6 case. That’s all still to come. This would be a superseding indictment on top of the 37 federal indictments he already has for stealing America’s military and nuclear secrets and hiding them from the feds for God knows what treasonous purpose. (You know, on top of the really sad, pathetic, needy, loser, going to die by himself did we mention loser purpose, which is obviously his desperate need for someone, anyone to think he’s cool and has a life worth envying.)

Andrew Feinberg reports in the Independent the following things (some of them are just our wise-ass comments, full disclosure):

• Indictments may be coming both for Trump and for people in his inner circle.
• It would be a superseding indictment in Florida, which is that legal doohickey where you do an indictment that supersedes the first one. Law stuff is easy to know and understand.
• They may also do some indictments in a different venue, in case Aileen Cannon in South Florida acts like a real fuckturkey.
• “Fuckturkey” is also a legal term, for the kind of judge Aileen Cannon is, but we made it up so don’t try looking it up in your law dictionary.
• If Aileen Cannon can make up law for the delight of her president, we can make up legal terms to name-call her for the delight of ourselves.
• None of the last two bullet points were in Feinberg’s reporting.
• A lot of prosecutors’ decisions at this point are based on whether Aileen Cannon is being a real fuckturkey.
• That one is def from Feinberg’s reporting, but he didn’t say “being a real fuckturkey.”
• It really says it will be “between 30 and 45” more charges. That would bring his running total in this case to between 67 and 82.
• It says this would involve “evidence against the ex-president that has not yet been publicly acknowledged by the department, including other recordings prosecutors have obtained which reveal Mr Trump making incriminating statements.”
• Lordy there are more tapes.
• Goddamn we are good at bullet points. If Axios has to fire all its writers like a common National Geographic, don’t worry, Wonkette will do all the bullet points on the internet.
• Regarding indictments for Trump’s friends and lovers, Feinberg makes clear that we are talking about “several of the attorneys who have worked for Mr. Trump,” and that moreover that may well mean Ruuuuudy, in the January 6 case. You’ll remember that Rudy just did that “Pretty Pretty Princess for a Day” “Queen for a Day” interview with Smith, presumably to try to avoid some of the indicting.
• Feinberg’s sources say Rudy is still totally getting fuckin’ indicted.
• LMAO Donald Trump is also absolutely doing to die in prison.
• OPEN THREAD!