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If Pennsylvania Republicans were trying to intentionally step on their own dicks, we cannot imagine how they’d do it more effectively than with the two men they have running for governor and senator. Doug Mastriano, in the gubernatorial race, is an unhinged QAnon white fascist Christian wackjob who’s so despised by everyone, and whose campaign is such garbage, that he’s been reduced to begging his 16 supporters to starve themselves, in order to trick God into making him their governor. Reached for comment by Wonkette, God said “LOL those dumbity dumb dumb dumbfucks” and handed us a Josh Shapiro bumper sticker.
Meanwhile, everybody already knows what a shitty candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz is. He’d be shitty even if he was running on his home turf in New Jersey. There is no campaign message Dr. Oz cannot fuck up. He’s just a goddamn failure. And, just like Shapiro with Mastriano, John Fetterman is beating the crap out of Dr. Oz.
The other day, Newt Gingrich tweeted some senile brain-addled confusion about Fetterman’s “I Will Make You Hurt” tattoo, and the internet politely replied that it’s a Nine Inch Nails song as covered exquisitely by just an unknown troubadour named Johnny Cash, you fucking dork. Then Newt, pathetically trying to keep it going, asked in a follow-up if it Fetterman’s tattoo was “based on his ties to the crips gang as reported by the Free Beacon or a reference to the nine inch nails heroin song ‘Hurt.'” You know, as if he’d known it was a lyric from “Hurt” all along, but also legitimately thought could be something about the Crips.
We made a mistake. We didn’t realize how much this was going to become a thing. Sure, the Free Beacon did indeed have some Gateway-Pundit-grade paint-huffing about Fetterman and the Crips this week, but surely Dr. Oz isn’t …
My God.
OK, sure, fine, the secret’s out. John Fetterman is the Crips, and this is a good thing to say because gangs scare old racist white people. He is probably also in MS-13 and co-headlines family friendly drag brunches/grooming sessions with Lizzo, James Madison’s flute, and the Black Little Mermaid. Then they go Knockout Game your Nana while pointing and laughing at her traditional values. They don’t go in the toilets.
If you’re confused, this entire story amounts to how, when he was running for mayor of Braddock, Pennsylvania, and after he was elected, Fetterman sometimes used a spelling of the town name that some young Black people used. (“Braddocc.”) The Crips happened to like that spelling, apparently. That’s it. That’s literally all that white supremacist right-wingers are twisting in order to say Fetterman has “fidelity” and “connections” to the Crips. (That’s what the Epoch Times is saying, that he has “connections.”) He was trying to reach out to young voters, and even was a Young himself, but the details don’t matter. All racist 95-year-old voters are supposed to hear is that he has ties to Black people.
The Daily Beast reports that Oz has now tweeted about this more than once, as have the GOP account and the RNC:
You bet. And that’s why Newt Gingrich was wondering, after Tucker Carlson did his coloratura yelping last week about Fetterman’s tattoos, whether Fetterman’s “Hurt” tattoo was about the Nine Inch Nails song or the well-known Crips slogan “I will make you hurt.” Stupid racist Republicans don’t know any better, because a large part of their brand is that they’re completely frightened of and checked out of mainstream American culture and desperately wish to eradicate it, by force if necessary.
And that’s why Dr. Oz is tweeting out that shit.
The Daily Beast had to type this sentence:
The Oz campaign did not respond to a request for comment on whether the television doctor earnestly believes Fetterman supports the Crips or other gangs, or whether he believes Fetterman has ties to the Crips.
And Fetterman spox Joe Calvello delivered them a good quote:
Calvello told The Daily Beast the conservative-led Crips narrative is “absolute bottom-of-the-barrel bullshit. Like, you can see how desperate these guys are getting.”
“This is what they’re reaching to… and it’s frankly embarrassing,” Calvello said. He added that “under John, crips in Braddock were taken off the street and put in jail.”
But sure, Oz campaign and all the other GOP morons, please keep this up, all the way to November.
You’re definitely setting yourselves up for a flawless victory.
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