We’ve been paying a lot of attention around these parts to the contest Big Gretch Whitmer, Gavin Newsom, and lately the governors of Minnesota (Tim Walz apparently) and New Mexico (Michelle Lujan Grisham) have been running amongst themselves. It is a contest about “which blue state is hottest shit right now,” and everyone’s a winner!
Well now cometh Gov. Josh Shapiro of Pennsylvania, a nice Jewish boy you could take home to your mother, and as Ohio gets nuttier, neighbor Pennsylvania’s doing Not That. Having averted a far-Right catastrophe in the person of whatshisbucket, the feral Trump guy, Pennsylvania decided to be normal, and nicer, even if it still does have a Republican Senate. Why, that Senate even let Josh Shapiro have a budget, with nice things in it! Whatcha got, Josher?
A billion in education, including $100 million for poor schools and $50 million for special ed?
Tens of millions for poor people’s house repairs and disadvantaged community businesses?
Thirty-million-plus for apprenticeships?
State-funded public defenders for the first time ever?
Hundreds of millions for child care, mental health, home health care for seniors, and maternal mortality prevention?
Forty million for farmers, including food assistance and organic hippie shit?
Blah blah blah law enforcement, oh wait, what’s this?
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$355,000 for a new unit within the Department of Corrections, run by the Secretary of the Board of Pardons, to address backlogs in the pardons process and help second chances come sooner.
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A $250,000 increase to support the It’s On Us PA initiative – which aims to create an environment where sexual violence is unacceptable and survivors are supported – and to keep college students across Pennsylvania safe from campus sexual assault.
Well I guess those are just fine! What else then?
Some universal school breakfast, to LET ERREBODY EAT?
Look at that nerd, what a nerd.
NERDS!
The end.