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We do not know if Madison Cawthorn woke up yesterday morning and said, “Today is the day for boobies!” but we also don’t know if he did NOT do that. Regardless, this is how he was traveling through the thoroughfares of the Republican National Convention yesterday.
Remember when that guy basically lost his career in Congress around the same time he started talking about all the Republican sex orgies he got invited to but said he did not attend?
Yesterday, we found this man wandering, he appeared to have nothing to do.
We also saw this man, the oldest man in the world, the Senate’s Second Dumbest Republican (title stolen and currently held by Tommy Tuberville) Ron Johnson, who it turns out is even older than Joe Biden in person.
We looked up his age on Wikipedia. He is 69.
“Maaaaaaan that is the roughest-looking 69 the Senate has ever seen, and it’s seen some rough 69s!” we said to ourselves, excessively pleased with our naughty pun.
We saw nutter WHAR BOXES idiot Clay Higgins — perhaps the House’s Dumbest Republican — walking around, but that was one guy we had zero desire to go up to for a picture, because that guy is messed up.
Afterward we had a nice palate cleanser when we went to an event featuring Charlie Sykes and other nice Bulwark types. It was called Principles First, and it was a bunch of the sorts of never-Trumpers that we now go “If you had told me 10 years ago I’d be asking for selfies with these people — and not as a joke! — I’da said you’ve had too many sugary sodas and need to take a break!”
Our picture with Charlie Sykes sucks, because he was trying to talk to another guy at the same time.
“Look at us, coalitioning!” Rebecca said to Charlie Sykes. “Like, in the morning links I will be like ‘Mona Charen made sense today,’ what the fuck!”
Michael Steele is an absolute delight, one of the nicest guys we’ve ever talked to.
Rebecca was all, “Michael Steele, you remember me, we took a picture in Tampa in 2012!” She’s so hilarious. (Rebecca wrote this.)
And Joe Walsh!
George Conway was trying to jam out of there super fast and Rebecca shouted, “GEORGE CONWAY, YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW” in her best mad mom voice and he was like but I have to go but then he obeyed.
And now it is Thursday afternoon and we are all hungover and we only have one day left to find and marry one of these famous Republicans, as a prank.
Wish us luck!
Evan has a new side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
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