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The Democratic National Convention was, dare we say, fun to watch this year. In fact, we probably watched more of it than we ever watched of any past conventions, which we so often found hokey and insipid. Possibly because our formative DNC-watching experience was the first year we could vote, in 1992, and watching a bunch of dorky white people get on a stage and dance to “Don’t Stop” while clapping on the one and the three would traumatize and make cynical any self-respecting teenager with a severe cringe allergy.
Part of the reason for this year’s fun was the number of speakers who looked directly into the camera and flat-out told Donald Trump that he is a worthless, used-up, addled douche-noodle with a brain that is approximately 95 percent cholesterol and almost three dozen felony convictions clinging to his wrinkled taint, and who might be in prison by now if our nation wasn’t being ruled by six feckless Supreme Court justices with corruption issues that rival your average South American dictatorship. (We’re paraphrasing but not by much.)
The culmination came on Thursday night, meltdown night for Trump as he watched a woman of color accept the nomination to kick his over-bronzed ass in November. Former President Brainworms had promised to live-tweet (or live-truth) the blessed event on his personal social media network, TruthSocial, which was convenient because we could all watch his descent into gibbering incoherence in real time. Not that it was much of a drop from a normal day.
Trump fired off about 50 comments during Kamala Harris’s almost 38-minute speech. We have culled a few highlights, such as this gem that came right as the speech was getting underway:
We seriously wonder if his deteriorating mind made him think Kamala Harris was Joe Biden, the guy he is no longer running against. We’d give it 60-40 odds.
Oh please oh please oh please, make “football coach stolen valor” a theme for the remaining 10-ish weeks before the election. You might even lose Texas. At a minimum you will lose any “Friday Night Lights” fans, a belligerent and numerous crowd that will happily spend three months standing outside Mar-a-Lago yelling Clear eyes! Full heart! Get fucked!
“Of which she complains?” Hey, everyone get a load of Marcel Proust over here! Anyway, again, Kamala Harris has not been the president for the last 3 ½ years.
At one point, Harris was excoriating Trump for his actions on January 6, when he wound up a mob and sicced it on the Capitol. That prompted this response:
He must have missed the four-minute video the DNC played earlier in the week showing all the ways those protests were anything but peaceful. Or if he saw it, assumed it was AI-generated.
YES! DO YOU WANT US TO PASS HER A NOTE IN MATH CLASS? This also led the magnificent humans staffing the KamalaHQ twitter feed to reply:
Tell it to Russ Vought. Anyway, let’s skip ahead a skosh:
“She caused the Attack of October 7th. Iran was BROKE — Didn’t have money for Hezbollah!” Ah, but did Iran have the money for Hamas, the perpetrators of the Attack of October 7? We guess there is no way of knowing unless you watch any 30 seconds of news in the last 10-plus months.
There were all sorts of other goodies LIKE calling Harris a Marxist for wanting to grant citizenship to immigrants, repeating his usual crap that “everyone wanted Roe v. Wade TERMINATED, and brought back to the states” (we’d suggest a different word choice, but eh, what’s the point), and generally continued his nine-year streak of being the grandfather of all bigoted and yelly Fox News grandfathers.
Speaking of Fox News, when he was done ranting on TruthSocial, Trump called in to the network to continue his rant in verbal form and was so agitated that he kept accidentally hitting buttons on his phone, resulting in the occasional beep interrupting him without his noticing.
We recommend skipping to the end, when the anchors struggle to cut him off because it was time for “Gutfeld”:
Then he called into Newsmax, where he went on some sort of rant about Venezuela that culminated in him suggesting that he and the two Newsmax anchors take a trip there together, which sounds like the sort of road trip comedy a Hollywood screenwriter would pitch if he was higher than the International Space Station:
We’re not going to be so optimistic as to say his brain will definitely explode before November. We’re also definitely not saying we will complain if his brain explodes before November.
[TruthSocial / YouTube / YouTube]
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