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Have you heard? Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy is stealing the election for Kamala Harris, by existing and being cute. This is the scandal and House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer is gonna ‘VESTIGATE.
At least whenever he gets back from the House’s recess, Comer is gonna ‘VESTIGATE.
You wouldn’t like him when he ‘VESTIGATES. Just ask Hunter Biden’s penis, oh wait you can’t, because it’s in the Smithsonian now, where it belongs, James Comer found it when he ‘VESTIGATED it.
PREVIOUSLY IN HUNTER BIDEN’S HOG.
What’s happening here, as ever, is that James Comer is a Kentucky fried buffoon, and if he was your dad, you’d throw his squeaky toy of Hunter Biden’s penis in the backyard and lock him outside forever when he ran after it.
Earlier this week, Zelenskyy went and visited a union factory in Scranton, Pennsylvania. (He is in America doing United Nations things and probably doing a Costco run, we don’t know.) The factory Zelenskyy visited has been making ammo that’s very important to Ukraine’s war against Russia. (For Republicans and people who are brand new, Ukraine is our ally, and Russia is our enemy. Russia invaded Ukraine and started raping, kidnapping, and killing people a few years back. The United States and our allies in Europe and elsewhere are trying to help Ukrainians win the war.)
Politico explains:
Defense and State Department officials traveled with Zelenskyy from New Jersey to Pennsylvania. That trip was paid for by DoD, which requested military airlift to facilitate the administration officials’ travel, said Pentagon spokesperson James Adams.
“These officials were conducting official business related to U.S. security assistance to Ukraine, which included a stop at Newark Liberty International Airport, where they linked up with President Zelenskyy before continuing to Wilkes-Barre International Airport in Pennsylvania,” Adams said.
It was an official visit by an official head of state of one of our official allies with the official US American presidential administration. And James Comer and his Republican friends are squealing “ELECTION INTERFERENCE!” like the little fucking piggies they are.
In one of Comer’s letters, this one to Attorney General Merrick Garland, the congressman from pigfuck tries to compare this to the investigation that led to Donald Trump’s (first) impeachment in 2019, which was undertaken because Trump’s first major act after Zelenskyy was elected was to try to extort him into helping Trump steal the 2020 election, by withholding the military aid Zelenskyy needed for his fight against Vladimir Putin. If you watched Nicolle Wallace’s show yesterday on MSNBC, you will remember that they had an extended discussion on how Trump is, and we quote, “Putin’s bitch.”
Comer and his Republican pals (there’s another letter from more congressmen) accuse the administration of orchestrating this trip with a foreign leader to help Kamala Harris’s presidential campaign. Why? Not because Harris was there or anything. Rather, Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro was there, and that guy was MAYBE gonna be Harris’s running mate but then he wasn’t! And Pennsylvania Senator Bob Casey! And Rep. Matt Cartwright!
Ummmmm, and also …
And also Zelenskyy got to ride on a military plane, like a common head of state any time they’re transported by the US!
Ummmmm, and also …
Oh yeah, and also because Zelenskyy did a New Yorker interview and he talked shit about Trump and JD Vance in it! (Zelenskyy is a bit pissy about the fact that Trump and Vance’s plan for Ukraine is to fuck them in the ass and sell them out as a slobbering love offering to Putin.)
The rest of Comer’s letter is just him armpit-farting and squealing and hooting and hollering and re-enacting entire episodes of “Hee Haw,” it’s pretty cool.
Speaker Mike Johnson is also acting like he has the right to order Zelenskyy around, demanding in a HUFF AND PUFF AND BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN letter that Zelenskyy fire Ukraine’s ambassador to the US for coordinating the visit.
And of course, Fox News has gotten the memo and is pushing the conspiracy theory. Here’s slurring rage muppet Maria Bartiromo this week, reporting that Republicans are wondering if Zelenskyy’s trip is election interference to help Kamala Harris, and then reporting that as fact less than a minute later:
Today, Vice President Kamala Harris and President Zelenskyy will meet (he’ll also meet with President Biden), and Harris and Zelenskyy will speak to press from the White House. We’re so helpful, you can watch that right here whenever it starts, which may be “soon”!
Meanwhile, Donald Trump bitched and moaned yesterday that Zelenskyy is “making nasty little dispersions toward your favorite president” and saying there’s “not enough money in the world to rebuild Ukraine.” He referred to Ukraine’s people as “dead.”
He could have met with Zelenskyy during this trip, but he isn’t. Neither will Mike Johnson, because at the end of the day, he’s Trump’s lapdog, and again, Trump is Putin’s bitch.
Hey, guess what, we have a pro tip for Republicans, and here it is:
If the president of one of our allies visiting the United States and thanking people for their support in the war he’s fighting against Russia makes the Republican nominee and former president look bad, THEN THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE AND FORMER PRESIDENT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM, YOU SYPHILITIC LIVESTOCK.
[Politico / video via Aaron Rupar]
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