Fox News Assclowns Whining About Student Loan Relief Very Hilarious, Please Cry More

Well goodness, they’re losing it.

Joe Biden decided to really Brandon it up and do something supported by a HUGE majority of the American public, and rightwing white fascist shitgoblins are losing it. And it is damned funny, and we plead with them to please keep whining about this forever, it is awesome (for our side) going into the midterms and the 2024 election and beyond.

You know why they are so mad, right? This will help TENS OF MILLIONS of Americans, many of whom usually casually vote Republican, and there is literally no way any of these dicks can pretend anybody but Brandon “Joe” Biden delivered it for them. And when people see their debt go away, it’s going to be nigh impossible for Fox News spin to cut through the weight that was just lifted off those folks’ shoulders.

So yeah. They’re losing it.

Obviously, Tucker Carlson — the trust fund frozen food heir dilettante — is super-fuckin’-outraged.

Tucker seems to understand that college has gotten exorbitantly expensive, but much of what he’s mad about is that people who get degrees he doesn’t approve of might get relief. Why? Consider the scabbed-over feral hogs who watch his show and how they must quietly resent anyone they know is smarter than they are. Then read this transcript.

TUCKER: I didn’t claim that a degree in postcolonial liberation studies from Wesleyan would be worth anything. I didn’t take 80 grand a year from middle-class families in order to turn their children into Xanax-addicted robots with no job prospects. Well, no, you didn’t do any of that, but you’re paying reparations anyway.

“Reparations.” To people who went out and got an education in something Tucker thinks is gay, and those people think they’re better than you, white supremacist 75-year-old Tucker viewer.

Now, to be fair, Tucker is pretending his outrage is really directed at schools like Wesleyan, which have so much money, but we don’t believe his BS populism. Why?

Watch this next Tucker clip. Watch him go all high-pitched as he cries even more that this help is going to people he doesn’t approve of. FYI, people Tucker approves of? “Dental and veterinary students! Structural engineering majors! People who did something useful in college!” People Tucker does not approve of? Oh boy:

TUCKER: … [L]awyers, or gender studies majors, or diversity administrators! Why? Because you don’t want more of those people! We have way too many of them already! And then you would never send money to anyone who supported BLM riots, or anyone who claimed on Twitter that America is a systemically racist country! Why would you send them money?! Why would you send the fruits of America to people who hate America? What is that? it’s suicidal!

It’s impressive he made it through that list without any spontaneous overt racial slurs.

It’s gonna be funny when all those Gen X, Millennial and Gen Z adult children of Tucker’s clueless, half-dead white racist viewers see their lives noticeably improve because of this student loan relief and vote for Democrats this fall. That’s why these Fox News idiots are so hysterical right now.

Quick hits, here are some more people losing it:

Here are Jesse Watters and Dan Bongino, two guys literally nobody who’s worth a damn actually admires, doing an old-timey GET A JERB LIBS! routine and Bongino yelling “IT’S CALLED THE ASS!” for some reason, we dunno. All we see is two people who clearly didn’t get where they are based on their own merit having a toddler-grade meltdown:

Bongino also said that “This is the autobiography of the American empire collapsing before our very eyes,” because he’s just a very melodramatic boy like that, we guess.

And finally, here is Sean Hannity, who is fuuuuuuuucking angry that his own young employees might get relief for their student loans. It’s worth taking a minute to really think about what kind of perverse mentality would cause somebody to be unhappy their employees might benefit from something like this. Because that will tell you a hell of a lot about what you need to know about these bastards.

SEAN HANNITY (HOST): We have a lot of young people that work on my TV show, they’re not making a $125,000. They’re now eligible to get in some cases up to $20,000 and in other cases $10,000. This is New Green Deal radical socialism.

Seriously, cry more.

May every one of these people bitch and moan and bitch and moan until the last breath leaves their bodies, and then may they continue bitching and moaning as God flicks their soul-bodies off to wherever God decides to flick them off to so God doesn’t have to listen to their fucking shit for the rest of eternity.

Amen.

[Media Matters / also]

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