![Spider-Man Is Back in Black With the Green Goblin in New Funko Pop! Figures [Exclusive]](https://static1.colliderimages.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/spider-man-the-animated-series-green-goblin.jpg "Spider-Man Is Back in Black With the Green Goblin in New Funko Pop! Figures [Exclusive]")
Good morning, readers, do you feel slightly better today than you felt yesterday morning? Has the dread lifted just the tiniest, maybe to be replaced by just the tiniest sense that we can absolutely defeat this band of evil fascist motherfuckers?
Terrible things still happened yesterday, because it is a day in Stupid Hitler’s America. In this one post we won’t dwell on them or link to them. There will be other posts for that, for the next four years.
Let’s talk about how, for whatever quantity of “better” you are feeling today, it is because that exact quantity of “good” has been sucked out of Elon Musk’s nonexistent soul, and he’s waking up this morning — or maybe he’s been up all night blowing off steam by paying somebody else to play video games for him — feeling ever so slightly worse.
You did that, America. You’ve heard Elon bitching and moaning lately about how he doesn’t understand why people hate him, how Tim Walz is hurting his feelings by celebrating the tanking of Tesla stock, and you said, oh man, let’s give him something real to be upset about.
He spent over $20 million of his own money on the Wisconsin supreme court race, tried again to bribe people to vote, and whined that “This Wisconsin Supreme Court race might decide the future of America and Western Civilization!” and that it “matters for the future of the world.” Don’t tempt us with a good time, buddy!
And Wisconsin said that’s right, said fuck that South African nepo baby apartheid shitmouth, and delivered Susan Crawford — the non-Elon candidate — a victory so resounding that Rachel Maddow was able to announce it during her show. That’s how early of a call it was.
“As a little girl growing up in Chippewa Falls, I never could have imagined that I’d be taking on the richest man in the world for justice in Wisconsin,” Crawford told supporters Tuesday night. “And we won.”
She won. Little things at stake because she won? Getting Wisconsin’s 1849 abortion ban off the books, for one. Possibly redistricting at some point, as Wisconsin remains a 50-50 state that, because of shameless Republican gerrymandering, is represented in Congress by six Republicans and two Democrats. At the very least she’ll be on the court after the 2030 Census.
Crawford beat the shit out of the MAGA candidate Brad Schimel, 55 to 45 to be exact.
In fact it was a victory so resounding that this morning, Donald Trump and Elon are pretending the real race they were focused on the whole time was Wisconsin voter ID law, which also won resoundingly.
And Trump:
Bless their hearts.
See, the thing is that you already had to show ID to vote in Wisconsin, so for most voters this was probably like “Henghhhhh? Sure, I’ll vote for that I guess. Don’t we already?” This just enshrines that rule and makes it harder to remove. That’s the big “victory” Trump and Elon Musk and Elon Musk are trying to do “don’t call it a Hitler salute” salutes in their pants about this morning.
This was Elon earlier this week whining about what would happen if Susan Crawford won:
“Losing this judge race has a good chance of causing Republicans to lose control of the House. If you lose the House, there will be nonstop impeachment hearings, and subpoenas,” Musk told Fox. “They’re going to do everything possible to stop the president’s agenda.”
Haha.
Hey, we know another thing that could make Republicans lose the House, like maybe in 2026.
Like, for instance, the results of last night’s long-shot special elections in Florida, in the districts formerly represented by losers Matt Gaetz and Mike Waltz. The fact that those districts elected Republicans that vile, that breathtakingly stupid and corrupt, should tell you how ruby red they are. And we didn’t win them. That was always the longest of long shots.
However, in Florida’s Sixth District, Republican Randy Fine beat Democrat Josh Weil 56.7 to 42.7 percent. That’s Waltz’s old seat.
In Florida’s First District, Republican Frank Patronis beat Democrat Gay Valimont 56.9 percent to 42.3 percent. That’s Gaetz’s old seat. (Damn similar results too.)
In the Sixth, last November, Waltz won 66.5 to 33.5. In the First, Gaetz won 66 to 34.
So those are some huge fuckin’ almost 20-point swings for the Democrats.
Not hard to see why Donald Trump felt he had to humiliate Elise Stefanik, cancel her joy and rip the UN ambassador job away from her, so she could go back to the House. She only won 62.1 to 37.9 in her district in November.
Yesterday, House Speaker Mike Johnson said they’re “trying to figure out some creative role for Elise to play” in the Congress, just adding to her humiliation, since she gave up all her leadership roles for this. So you can add her to your list of “people I feel better than this morning.”
We have a long, long fucking way to go. But democracy still worked last night, and we — you, whatever you’re doing out there to stick your dick in the fascists’ eye — did that.
Oh yeah, and did you see Senator Cory Booker exhume racist shitbag Strom Thurmond just to kill him again, by blowing past his record for “longest Senate speech ever?” That was pretty fucking amazing. Take a look at his interview with Maddow last night when you have a minute. He was still awake.
That might also give you a little spring in your step that wasn’t there yesterday.
Ken White summed up how we’re all feeling today:
Allegedly! Allegedly!
White added, “Anyway fuck that loathsome subnormal Elon Musk and fuck all the creepy losers who idolize him.”
So say we all.
[NBC News / Daily Beast]
Evan has a side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
Follow Evan Hurst on BlueSky!
Follow Evan on Facebook.
