Dr. Oz’s Perfect Comeback HAHA, EAT A VEGETABLE, STROKE BOY! Not Going Over So Well, Huh

It took them days and days and days and days and days, but the very good and talented Pennsylvania Senate campaign of Dr. Mehmet Oz (R-NJ) finally came up with the perfect comeback for John Fetterman very cruelly mocking Oz’s authentic asparagus salsa crudités by calling them “veggie trays.” And for Fetterman’s mocking of Oz for not knowing how “grocery store” works or what common Pennsylvania grocery stores are called. And for not knowing/lying about how many houses he owns. And literally everything else too, because fuck that effete bastard. (Seriously, that could be Fetterman’s campaign slogan at this point, “fuck that effete bastard,” and we think it would work just fine.)

You ready?

The comeback is that John Fetterman is an unhealthy person who had a stroke. And should eat a vegetable. And of course, the in-between-the-lines implication that screams in your face, namely that Al Gore is fat John Fetterman is fat. No, we are not kidding.

“If John Fetterman had ever eaten a vegetable in his life, then maybe he wouldn’t have had a major stroke and wouldn’t be in the position of having to lie about it constantly,” Rachel Tripp, Oz’s senior communications advisor, said.

Wow, that is breathtaking.

A lot of people have been asking lately if Oz’s entire campaign secretly hates him, and we’d like to suggest the only problem with that notion is the “secretly” part. This is pretty out in the open. Otherwise, these morons are so incompetent they better be careful or Donald Trump will hire them as defense lawyers.

We simply cannot imagine how anyone, but especially in a flailing Republican campaign that cannot win without the votes of poor and middle-class white MAGA Pennsyltuckians, would think a good comeback to Fetterman would be to laugh at his stroke, strongly insinuate that he’s fat, and shame him for not eating enough vegetables. What next, New Jersey? Wanna make fun of him for eating too many cheesesteaks?

So that all happened.

And let us tell you, if you thought Fox News was in a panic over the garbage piece of shit candidates their nighttime hosts held under Donald Trump’s nose so he could sniff their butts and give them endorsements, get a load of their shrieking about Fetterman from last night.

Hannity really lost his shit, and it was a hoot. He angrily called Fetterman a “spoiled trust fund brat in a hoodie” and a “trust fund brat phony that tries to act tough with tattoos and that hoodie.” Then he said Fetterman’s stroke was “beyond debilitating, it was crippling for him.” Then he said Fetterman was a “Bernie Sanders-loving socialist spoiled brat trust fund hypocrite in a hoodie,” literally tripping over his words because that’s the kind of Little Man Syndrome PEW PEW PEW! temper tantrum Hannity was having.

Gentle readers, every quote in that paragraph happened in one minute. He really said the same thing three times in one minute. That’s how mad he is.

For some reason we don’t care enough to look into, Hannity is also bitching and moaning that Fetterman called him a liar. In this next clip he calls Fetterman a “lying loser” and threatens that “he may be hearing from my lawyers very shortly.” You know, in case Fetterman had not gotten the message that some toothless Shih Tzu was nipping at his heels and pissing on itself.

Enjoy this clip from The News.

Okeydoke.

Later on the Laura Ingraham show, she bellyached that Fetterman’s campaign is “playing all the games on the crudité” and how Oz has “lived in New Jersey,” but says “that’s all they have.” Which is one way of putting this phenomenon of Oz stepping on a rake literally every single day of the campaign and Fetterman picking up the rake every single time just to hit the stupid motherfucker again. Ingraham insists that Fetterman MAY NOT, DOES NOT HAVE PERMISSION to be elected the senator from Pennsylvania, because he “does not represent Pennsylvania values.” As if Oz does.

The chyron said “Fetterman flailing at very brief public speeches.” Whatever white douchebag she was talking to suggested Oz should act “more like a wrestler” and show up at Fetterman’s house and demand he debate him.

To which we reply oh please oh please oh please oh please that would be so fucking funny, Dr. Oz would manage to become the laughingstock of THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD.

Point is, they are so very mad, and they are only going to get more mad, and this is all so goddamned funny.

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