Ben Shapiro Being F*ckin’ Weirdo About Senate Gay Marriage Vote, Don’t Faint

Ben Shapiro is going through some things. The
Senate votedoverwhelmingly yesterday to open debate on a bill codifying marriage equality in law, after Clarence Thomas signaled in his Dobbs concurrence that he wants to use that illegitimate partisan hack ruling to murder marriage equality, contraception, and everything else good and holy. The Senate vote was 62 to 37. Again, overwhelming.

Ben Shapiro is apoplectic. And he’s being a total fucking nerd about it, and by “nerd,” we mean the pocket protector kind, the caricature type that hung out with Screech and Violet on “Saved By The Bell.” Imagine if one of those characters was a sexually repressed white fascist and you’d have Ben right now. He can’t just say he doesn’t think society should give gay couples equal rights. He has to say:

“If you vote for the idea that society has an obligation to recognize male-male or female-female dyads in the same way that society has to recognize male-female, you should not be in the Republican Party”

Hennnghhhennnnnghhhhennnnghsnortsnort “DYADS!”

Somewhere in his warped brain he probably thinks he’s making an important distinction here, intentionally using the word “dyad” because to just say “couple” like a normal person would confer normalcy upon gay couples he’s not willing to give.

Unfortunately for Ben, the normalcy is already there. Again, 62 to 37 in a half-Republican Senate. Fully
SEVENTY-ONE percent of Americans support marriage equality. It’s only 28 percent who don’t, and those people are irrelevant crap. As Charlie Sykes noted in his Bulwark newsletter this morning, even the Mormon church is fine with this bill.

Senate Really About To Protect Gay Marriage, Honest To F*ckin God

Ooh, Hillary Clinton’s Talkin’ Sh*t About Clarence Thomas

Of course, once you stop laughing at “dyads,” you see that Ben is literally saying that if you support marriage equality, you should not be in the Republican Party. To which we reply: Cool plan, loser. Get rid of red waves for good, that’d be fine with us. When the House
voted on this, 47 Republicans voted for it. Get rid of all of those and guess who wouldn’t be taking the speaker’s gavel come January?

So that is how Ben Shapiro is feeling about all this
politically.

But on a personal level Shapiro is also melting down, which brings us to his
second instance of being a fucking nerd about this. He is just pretty sure that Hennnghhhennnnnghhhhennnnghsnortsnort “MARTIANS!” would be against marriage equality, and he is tired of people acting like the only reason somebody would be opposed to marriage equality is because they hold dumbass bigoted religious beliefs. (It’s a pretty major reason.)

As you can see, Shapiro is yapping at his fellow weirdo white fascist male cohost Matt Walsh, most recently seen on Wonkette
hyperventilating because the US Men’s Soccer Team is wearing rainbow patches for part of the World Cup. Because that’s what alpha male guys reach for their inhalers about.

Matt Walsh Having Heart Palpitations Because US Men’s Soccer Team Doing Gay Rainbow Flag Thingie

Here is Ben
babbling aboutHennnghhhennnnnghhhhennnnghsnortsnort “MARTIANS!”:

“The thing that’s really amazing to me is that it is now, apparently, the law of the land and societal rule that the only rationale that you could possibly have for saying that a marriage is between a man and a woman is because you’re a Christian, or a Jew, or a Muslim.”

Correction, only if you are a wackjob
fundamentalist. Reg’lar religious-believin’ folks are fine with this.

“That’s really the only reason at all. That the only reason – we’ll allow you to have these crazy beliefs so long as you can show that they’re crazy beliefs. So long as you can show that the reason you believe a marriage is between a man and a woman is because you read it in a book, and because you really believe the book – they keep saying sincere religious belief.”

Blah blah blah get to the Martians.

“I don’t even know how you measure sincere religious belief. I’m highly annoyed by the constant derogation of non-religious arguments into religious arguments. This is what the Left loves to do. They like to say you’re pro-life, the reason you’re pro-life is because of your crazy religion. And so, maybe we can respect your crazy religion along — that is not the argument for marriage.

“The argument for marriage has literally nothing to do with religion.”

It does, though.

“You could be a visitor from Mars and you could see that all of human procreation relies on man, woman, child. This is not particularly difficult stuff.”

HENNNNNGHHHHENNNNGHHENGHSNORTSNORT “MARTIANS!”

So Ben Shapiro’s argument is that if somebody came from Mars, they could see that humans procreate with P-in-V sex. That much is correct, assuming Martians exist and have eyes what can observe fuckin’. What he does not prove — the part that comes from his fucked up, unsupported
religious beliefs about these things — is that said P-in-V procreation is necessarily tied to religiously proscribed one-man-one-woman monogamous heterosexual marriage, or that such a thing is even ideal.