Have you heard the Good News of Wonkette’s day of news? It’s five damn Nice Times up in here!

I started your day with a healthy breakfast of tabs!

Kitteh On My Foot (Want To Touch It). Tabs, Fri., May 24, 2024

Evan went to a Gloria Johnson fundraiser and then he got all EARNEST and shit! I KNOW! EVAN! And Mr. Cynic thinks she can do it!

Gloria Johnson Is Smart, Cool, Talks About Abortion Out Loud. Doth Tennessee Dare Make This Non-Lunatic A Senator?

We got us a nice time!

Things To Do In Denver When You’re Seeking Asylum

We got us another nice time!

California Bill Will Stop Schools And Teachers From Outing Students To Their Bigot Parents

We got us a THIRD nice time, and there is no way to explain this without breaking your brain: It’s a Fifth Circuit nice time!

Shocking: Houston Police Trust Drunk Driver Over Black Ex-Cop Who Tried To Stop Him

A … sort of … nice time if you squint.

Sens. Whitehouse And Wyden To Dick Durbin: THIS Is How You Investigate These MFers, MFer!

And only two stories about Trump.

Trump Hid Stolen Documents In Bedroom, Probably Under Pile Of Soiled Depends

and

Rally Crowd Smaller Than Trump Claims, Just Like His Wanger

And then we all had a drink.

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week’s Cocktail, The Scorpion Bowl!

We’ll be out Monday for the holiday weekend, except some lazy something for you to comment near. We love you! Frankie say relax!