Wonkette’s News of Today Is Bombed

LONG WEEK, friendlies! Who’s tired? You tired? I’m tired. Cool.

Here’s what we had today, and we’re not done yet as we’ve got weekend #content to make up and shit. Also I work Saturdays. And Sundays. But not Mondays! Unless it’s a federal holiday and everyone else gets it off in which case I work Mondays.

What is the point of this? Sure, why not, it’s if you are able, please give us money! 😀

So this happened

Springfield, Ohio, Gets Bomb Threats Trump’s Fake Made-Up Pet-Eating Story Demanded

and then JD Vance said to keep it coming. Did he say the words “keep the bomb threats coming”? Of course not. He said, “Don’t let biased media shame you into not discussing this slow moving humanitarian crisis in a small Ohio town. We shoudl (sic) talk about it every single day.

“Kamala Harris did this. And she’ll keep doing it unless we stop her.”

And not one word about “BUT NOT BOMB THREATS, GUYS.” So, I think our interpretation is exactly fair!

JD Vance Saw You Bomb-Threated Those Springfield, OH, Schools. He Seems To Think You Should Do It Again.

Here’s some happier news with a great soundtrack, good rhythm, you can dance to it!

Linda Ronstadt: Not *Just* The Inspiration For Every Haircut I’ve Ever Had, But For Other Things As Well!

and a YAY HOORAY! She’s the fuckin coolest.

Sarah McBride Is Trans, She’s Badass, And Five Bucks Says She’s Going To F*cking Congress

This might seem like a Good Times Poll Porn story, but it might be a whole nother kind of porn story if you know what we mean and we mean GROSS.

Kamala Harris’s Polls Numbers Bounce Up After Debate, Punch Trump Right In His Wangdonklet

Just damn.

Ben Sasse Gets $1 Million/Year For Four More Years To Quit University Of Florida

Yes, this is bad!

Are RFK Jr. And The State Supreme Court Stealing North Carolina For Trump? Well, They’re Sure Trying!

Flowchart says: NOPE.

Forced Birthers Demand ABC Moderators Admit That It’s Legal To Kill Newborn Babies*

I threw you a morning news roundup!

Leon, Leon Likes His Money. Tabs, Fri., Sept. 13, 2024

And now it’s time for a drink!

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week’s Cocktail, The Tortuga!

See you over the weekend, we love you, bye-bye!