Which Pat Benatar Song Does Ted Cruz Think Is The Perfect Jam For Child Murder?

Once upon a time, Donald Trump said that he could shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue and his supporters would still worship him. It’s one of the few things he ended up being right about — it truly does not matter how many crimes that man commits, those doofuses are just as supportive as they’ve ever been.

In an interview this week with Joseph John Pagliarulo — aka “Joe Pags” — Senator Ted Cruz claimed that the same thing was true of Democratic senators, arguing that it would be impossible to impeach Biden for his non-existent crimes because they wouldn’t even vote for it if he were the second coming of Albert Fish.

“I don’t think Senate Democrats, if you had video of Joe Biden murdering children dressed as the devil under a full moon while singing Pat Benatar, they still wouldn’t vote to convict,” Cruz claimed on the show, as captured by the Republican Accountability Twitter account.

So like … the murdering children part is bad, obviously. But what of the rest of it? I can’t say I’d care if he were simply “dressed as the devil under a full moon while singing Pat Benatar.” Everyone needs a hobby! I have been known to sing some Pat Benatar as well and in fact do a pretty solid “We Belong” if I do say so myself.

But also … why Pat Benatar?

Does Ted Cruz find the music of Pat Benatar particularly thematically appropriate for satanic child murder? And if so, which Pat Benatar song? “Love is a Battlefield?” “Shadows of the Night?” “Heartbreaker?”

“Hit Me With Your Best Shot?”

I guess maybe if he were using a gun.

Tip Jar!

She has a song called “Hell is for Children,” but that is a song against child abuse and also kind of a deep cut for a Joe Biden child murder video.

Pat Benatar and Neil Giraldo are pretty square people, although according to one message board post from 2002, people thought her “song ‘Evil Genius’ says in reverse, “Oh-h, Satan, that’s why I want you to hear my music. The voice that makes my money”

That doesn’t feel right either.

I don’t really see Joe Biden as much of a Pat Benatar guy to begin with, so it’s hard to imagine which Pat Benatar song he would choose to murder children to. The most rockin’ song on his list of faves is Tina Turner’s “The Best,” and that feels more appropriate for a car commercial than child murder.

Is Cruz maybe confusing Pat Benatar for Joan Jett? Because I think that’s a thing that people who don’t know a lot about music tend to do. I guess “Bad Reputation” would work but also I can’t picture Joe Biden singing that without giggling. Or maybe he thinks she sang “Walkin’ On Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves, which I can imagine would work ironically as a song to murder by.

I guess we’ll never know. But hey! I really wanted to try out this poll feature they have on here anyway, so let’s see what you all think.

It is now your OPEN THREAD! Enjoy, and sorry for initially screwing up the links in the top ten this morning!