We all know what a superathlete with impressive body and not-at-all misshapen penis Donald Trump is, right? Yes even though he believes exercise is the silent killer. You can tell how impressive of body and normal of penis he is by looking at his Superman trading cards, which are an accurate representation of what he looks like, or by asking former White House doctor and current Republican Rep. Ronny Jackson, whose perceptive abilities on that front definitely aren’t impaired.
Another thing we know? Trump follows the rules of games. Especially golf. That’s right, he follow the rules of the game of golf, and he follows the rules of the game of life.
The Daily Beast reports that Trump managed to win the golf tournament at the Trump International Golf Club in south Florida this weekend, even though he was a million miles away in Fayetteville, North Carolina, at the funeral for the “Diamond” half of Diamond and Silk, where he spent most of his time as the officiant bitching that they didn’t tell him how long the funeral was going to be. Also being confused who this “Silk” person was. As if Diamond had a solo career and Trump wasn’t familiar with her collaborative work.
So yeah, the first day of the tournament Trump “won” was the funeral, in North Carolina. And then on Sunday he “won.”
Yay!
He announces this because it is just like a physical exam, winning this golf tournament! He is very good at golf, and he is very good at stamina!
Fuck, he is like his own personal North Korean news lady, it is amazing.
After that — while also bitching about RUSSIA HOAX and WITCH HUNT and Allen Weisselberg being in prison (LOL) and calling Mika Brzezinski “Mike” and calling Elaine Chao “Coco Chow” and insinuating that maybe “Coco Chow” helped Joe Biden store classified documents in Chinatown — he also started “retruthing” shit like this:
You know, because he is so good at sports.
The Beast, quoting from Daily Mail (which we don’t feel like clicking on), says when Trump got to his tournament on Sunday, he had a five-point lead already.
¿Qué? you ask?
Well, it’s simple:
The outlet reported that Trump boasted of having played an excellent round earlier in the week, and that that game would count as his first day’s score.
Exactly. That is how sports games work. If you have a scheduling conflict, you just play your side whenever and then use that score.
When asked about the discrepancy, Trump campaign spokesperson Steven Cheung told The Daily Beast, “In addition to being an excellent golfer, President Trump is an even better human being. He was honored to be in North Carolina on Saturday to celebrate the life of Diamond, a remarkable individual whose legacy will continue to live on.”
Okeydoke.
Reminder:
Trump has long maintained that he has never once, ever, cheated at the game of golf—and that he’s come by his many, many club championship titles honestly. In 2019, however, sportswriter Rick Reilly disputed the then-president’s claims, telling Vox, “This guy cheats like a mafia accountant.”
“Trump’s going around telling people he has won 20 [club championships],” Reilly said elsewhere in the interview. “But that’s 100 percent a lie. I actually played with him once, and he told me how he does it: Whenever he opens a new golf course, because he owns 14 and operates another five, he plays the first club champion by himself and declares that the club championship and puts his name on the wall.”
Same way he treats presidential elections. Anything else would be RIGGED and STOLLEN.
OPEN THREAD.
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