Look who’s kissin’ in a tree, it’s Donald J. Trump and Robert F. Kennedy (Junior). Just what the world does not need! Brain worms and hamberders have reportedly been caught meeting up in person, and also were recorded having a chat on video by RFK Jr.’s son, sounding mighty collud-y!
RFK Jr. is currently polling at about nine percent, and that conspiracy theorists-with-measles bloc is mostly coming out of Trump’s base. So Trump thinks it would be mighty nice if Kennedy came busting out of a giant cake on stage at the Republican National Convention, or whenever, and throatily endorsed him.
Previously!
But it seems Kennedy is not ready to get off the spoiler train quite yet. So Trump’s spent the last couple of days focusing on trying to charm Bobby’s brain worms.
The two met together in person Monday morning, and on Tuesday video was leaked online by his son Bobby Kennedy III of the pair also having a telephone chitchat, or rather Trump rambling and Kennedy unable to get in a word edgewise. Trump made up some shit about vaccines and mutant babies or something:
Something’s wrong with that whole system, and uh, it’s the doctors, and I said I want to do small doses, small doses. When you see the baby, Bobby, uh, and vaccination, and it’s like 38 different vaccines, and it looks like it’s made for a horse, not a, you know, a 10-pound or 20-pound baby, it looks like you should be giving a horse this, it, and you ever see the size of it, right, there is this massive … just massive. And then you see the baby all of the sudden starting to change, radically, I’ve seen it too many times. And then you hear it doesn’t have an impact, right? And you and I talked about that a long time ago.
It’s a baby, Bobby, how much could it possibly weigh?
And whaaaaaaat, horse-sized vaccines morphing babies? Why didn’t Trump alert anyone to this horrifying health crisis!? Then Trump shifted immediately into his sales pitch, like the smooth-talking con artist he is:
And uh, anyway, I would love you to disrupt [or he might say “do stuff”], and it would be so good for you, so big for you. And we’re going to win, we’re going to win. We’re way ahead of the guy.
“We,” eh?
Having set the bait, Trump then immediately segued into bragging about getting a phone call from Joe Biden, and how he got shot by a tough gun, not one of those little pearl-handled ladies’ guns or anything:
It was very nice actually, he called me, he said, ‘how did you choose to move to the right?’ I said I was just showing a chart, I didn’t tell him the chart was all of the people pouring into our country. And something rapped me. It felt like a giant… like the world’s largest mosquito. And it was. It was a bullet going around. You know, what do they call it, an AR-15 or something? That was a big gun. That was a pretty tough gun, right?
Right.
The video ends there, and Bobby the Third deleted the video. But not before it traveled all over the internet. Bobby the Second Xitted his deep regrets:
When President Trump called me I was taping with an in-house videographer. I should have ordered the videographer to stop recording immediately. I am mortified that this was posted. I apologize to the president.
The president, eh? Suddenly Kennedy is not sounding very independent.
How embarrassing for both of them.
In further evidence that these two misters from different sisters are simpatico, RFK Jr. also Xitted praise for Melanie’s bizarre statement:
Beautiful words from Melania Trump. Let all Americans remember that their opponents are full, precious human beings.
“A monster who recognized my husband as an inhuman political machine attempted to ring out Donald’s passion—his laughter, ingenuity, love of music, and inspiration. The core facets of my husband’s life—his human side—were buried below the political machine. Donald, the generous and caring man who I have been with through the best of times and the worst of times.
Let us not forget that differing opinions, policy, and political games are inferior to love. Our personal, structural, and life commitment – until death – is at serious risk. Political concepts are simple when compared to us, human beings…
This morning, ascend above the hate, the vitriol, and the simple-minded ideas that ignite violence. We all want a world where respect is paramount, family is first, and love transcends. We can realize this world again. Each of us must demand to get it back. We must insist that respect fills the cornerstone of our relationships, again.”
Oh, he’s full and precious, all right.
Wonder what position RFK Jr. is holding out for in the New Trump Order? Head of gutting the CDC? Secretary of Health and Horse Paste Services?
