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We’re obliged to inform you that Ron DeSantis is still running for president. The Florida governor’s polling far behind clear-and-present danger Donald Trump and hasn’t topped a single poll, state or national, since he launched his campaign on Elon Musk’s $44 billion erector set. By this point in 2019, Pete Buttigieg was starting to take the lead in Iowa, which he’d go on to win (eventually … the Iowa caucus was a mess). Bernie Sanders was consistently leading in New Hampshire. Elizabeth Warren had topped a few national polls in October and November.
I mention this to underscore DeSantis’s bleak prospects. Also, it’s fun.
DeSantis is probably just weeks away from endorsing Trump in the most humiliating spectacle you’ll ever see, but in the meantime, DeSantis took a few desperate, punch-drunk swings at the forever frontrunner.
Tuesday, while campaigning in New Hampshire with Gov. Chris Sununu, DeSantis argued that 2023 Trump just isn’t the same brain genius he was in 2016. It’s not a terrible argument: Trump has obviously deteriorated since the peak of his Make America Great days that won over a young, innocent Ron DeSantis. Now, Trump just insults his political opponents, posts vile social media screeds, encourages violence from his supporters, and offers only bigoted, absurd solutions to serious problems … oh wait.
“Chris is right about retail [politics] being able to answer questions,” said one of the worst retail politicians in recent memory. “What Donald Trump does now, he is wedded to the teleprompter. He can’t get off that teleprompter. Any time he does, he says things like ‘Don’t vote.’ He’s telling people not to vote like we have all the votes we need. Really?”
Trump didn’t just say “don’t vote,” like an irritating, cynical standup comedian. He encouraged his thuggish supporters to show up at polling places and intimidate other voters: “So we have to be careful, you gotta get out there and you got to watch those voters,” he said. “You don’t have to vote, don’t worry about voting. The voting, we got plenty of votes, you gotta watch.” DeSantis should’ve mentioned this, but he doesn’t dare risk offending Trump’s thugs.
Then DeSantis risked heresy and noted (correctly) that Trump “lost the popular vote to Hillary Clinton in 2016. You don’t have all the votes you need.” However, there’s a more recent example of Trump losing the popular vote while not also winning the Electoral College, which is what matters. President Joe Biden, the guy DeSantis wants to replace, beat Trump silly in 2020 by more than seven million votes (roughly double Clinton’s margin). So, that’s some half-assed heresy where DeSantis is still too scared to remind primary voters how big a loser Trump really is.
“And so I think that it’s just shown this is a different Donald Trump in 2015 and 16,” DeSantis insisted. “[He’s] lost the zip on his fastball.”
“Donald Trump defends size of his penis” was a CNN headline from March 2016. This asshole was never Nolan Ryan.
DeSantis claimed his former man crush “has a sense of entitlement — all this stuff — doesn’t think he has to go through and earn it like other candidates. And that’s just not going to fly in Iowa and New Hampshire.”
I think it’s flying like Dumbo, considering Trump is more than 30 points ahead of DeSantis in Iowa and New Hampshire. He can talk about “earning” votes but according to New Hampshire’s Saint Anselm College survey, DeSantis has fallen from a high of 29 percent in March to 11 percent in September. His best chance of a comeback is to suspend his campaign so people forget about him.
DeSantis further argued that Republicans need a nominee who’ll win the general election (duh) and that far too many people just won’t vote for Trump. That’s true, but we all know Trump is the one who’ll withhold MAGA support from any nominee that’s not him.
Then he started replaying his greatest COVID hits. It was sad.
“But you have another wrinkle now with [Robert Kennedy Jr.] as a third party, RFK Jr. will be a vessel for anti-lockdown and anti-Fauci voters if Trump is the nominee.” Possibly true, and DeSantis boasts about his appeal to the conspiracy nut electorate. “If I’m the nominee, they all go to me because I stood up against Fauci. I’m going to clean out CDC and all those. It’s a big part of my platform. With Trump though, he created Fauci, he elevated Fauci, he never fired him.”
Yes, it’s 2023, and Ron DeSantis is still talking about Dr. Anthony Fauci, who doesn’t work in any presidential administration right now. He’s retired and is no longer available for political scapegoat events. And what the hell does DeSantis mean about Trump “creating” Fauci? Seriously, maybe DeSantis is the one who’s lost his mental fastball.
[h/t JoeMyGod]
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