At the beginning of this week, there were nine (9) new Republican candidates for speaker of the House. Most all were white guys, as is usually the case with Republicans. Byron Donalds, who is not a white guy, seems to have been Fox News’s choice. It was not to be for him, at least not this time.
Today the House Republicans held ballot after ballot to choose one (1) perfect lord and savior to be their candidate to loser them through the week, until presumably next week when they’ll have to start all over again because they couldn’t get 217 people to vote for this week’s loser. (And no, the Democrats are not fucking helping, go away and stop asking.)
After a bunch of votes, the winner of today’s loserstakes is House Majority Whip Tom Emmer of Minnesota. We’ll talk about him more in the coming days, but he’s sort of more (?) moderate, or what passes for it in today’s authoritarian shithole Republican Party. Emmer did vote to certify the 2020 election, like a literal communist, but he also signed an amicus brief asking SCOTUS to overturn the election in Michigan, Georgia, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin.
Oh, and he’s been pretty consistent with supporting funding for Ukraine. Voted to raise the debt ceiling. Even funded the government. What is he, a Drag Queen Story Hour?
Here’s the thing: 26 Republicans have already said they’ll vote against Emmer on the floor, and it’s a bunch of the REAL seditionist nutsacks like Ronny Jackson and Paul Gosar and Jim Banks and Scott Perry, so we’re gonna put even less faith in him than we put in Jim Jordan winning. (Which was none.)
Trumpworld has had knives out for the guy since he announced and it became clear he was the current frontrunner, and they still hate him. Much of why the nutsacks hate Emmer is that he insufficiently licks Trump’s nutsack. Emmer’s camp has been working overtime to shut the nutsacks up. Guess it’s not working.
It should also be noted that in 2022 Tom Emmer voted for a bill to codify marriage equality into federal law GAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAY.
Again, a communist AND a Drag Queen Story Hour.
Steve Bannon told a reporter from Bloomberg, “We are trying to kill him in the roll call vote. This one is a real war.” They’re still behind closed doors doing whatever they do behind those. Emmer wants to stay in that room until he gets 217 people to agree to vote for him. Based on our political knowledge, we’re gonna say that room is going to fill up with a whole lot of farts and people are going to start leaving.
But hey, who knows, maybe he’ll get there! Maybe he’ll be speaker by nightfall!
Go get ‘em, Tom!
Here’s a video shared by Heartland Signal of Emmer saying in 2017 about Donald Trump that “I just don’t know that the guy in the White House is a very strong-minded guy.”
Sounds to us like a Minnesota Nice way of saying Donald Trump is stuuuuuuuupid.
Have fun with your week of being the speaker nominee, Tom Emmer!
We’ll be back next week for the next episode of “Hey What About That White Guy?” (Probably.)
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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