Recently, House Judiciary Committee Chair/escaped wrestling coach/Deliverance crew member Jim Jordan found himself under the mistaken impression that he had the standing to open his mouth and address Fulton County, Georgia, District Attorney Fani Willis, who is in the process of helping Donald Trump and his criminal cohort find out what happens when they fuck around together.
In response to Jordan’s letter trying to interfere with her state criminal investigation, over which he has zero jurisdiction, Willis sent him a letter so brutal you could tell she was having fun. She could have just ignored him.
She chose violence.
Slowly and carefully, Willis explained to Jordan that he was woefully confused about who he is, who she is, and how those two things relate to each other and the Constitution. And then, having dispensed with the very notion that Jim Jordan is even allowed to send her letters or talk to her, for the sake of meanness, she chose to voluntarily address some of the substance of his letter.
She explained what a prosecutor is, and what they do when they go to work every day. She recommended him a RICO For Dummies book, since he’s clearly confused about what RICO cases are, and told him where he, as a non-member of the bar, could buy a copy at the public price. And since Jordan is derelict in pretty much all the duties the chair of the House Judiciary Committee should actually be doing, she gave him some recommendations for better uses of his time.
And so much more.
Clearly unable to understand that she had completely humiliated him and he had lost, that little sniveling piece of dogshit sent her another letter in response, at the end of September. We’re not going to read it, because nobody needs to. (MeidasTouch has it if you’re desperate for some reason.)
We’re sure Willis technically read it, or had an employee do it. This time, though, she did not feel the need to respond, except for with a quick two-pager that started by calling Jordan “ignorant.”
Dear Mr. Jordan:
I am in receipt of your letter dated September 27, 2023.
Got it. It’s right here.
A charitable explanation of your correspondence is that you are ignorant of the United States and Georgia Constitution and codes.
That’s the charitable explanation.
A more troubling explanation is that you are abusing your authority as Chairman of the Committee on the Judiciary to attempt to obstruct and interfere with a Georgia criminal prosecution.
May it please the Court, Wonkette would like to offer the respectful suggestion that Jim Jordan could be enormously stupid and also the second thing.
Indeed, you confessed to this motivation on Mark Levin’s September 10, 2023, show: when discussing one of my office’s active prosecutions, you boasted, “We’re trying to get all the answers, but we’re trying to stop this stuff as well.” (emphasis added.)
She added emphasis on the receipts.
While you may enjoy immunity under the United States Constitution’s Speech or Debate clause, that does not make your behavior any less offensive to the rule of law.
We think she’s saying if Jim Jordan wasn’t hiding behind the mommy skirt of his congressional position, she might be inclined to lock him the fuck up for obstruction. After a fair trial, of course.
Willis went on to explain that she and her team are “exceptionally busy.”
She explained that her team has already written a letter — did you get it, Jim? — explaining why allllllll his fucking bullshit is “meritless,” and said that nothing in his new letter changed that. She attached a copy of the old letter, in case he lost it.
She ended by re-emphasizing her recommendations from her previous letter for how Jim Jordan could be the best Judiciary chairman he could be, just some real opportunities for growth Jim has, should he choose to avail himself of them. (Even more pertinent since he lost that vote for speaker yesterday, we think!)
We’ll type them here, in case Jimberly loses Willis’s letters again:
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enhancing funding for victim-witness advocates;
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expanding funding for testing all rape kits;
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supporting the Credible Messengers program, which helps to turn around children in trouble with the criminal justice system; and
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ensuring adequate funding to support state crime labs, which test for drugs like Fentanyl.
“I would encourage you to focus your attention on those issues,” Willis concluded, “which would make life better for the American people.”
“Yours in Service,” she literally actually signed the letter.
“Fani T. Willis”
And that is how you kick a man who deserves it when he’s down.
Here’s the letter, it’s beautiful:
And we’ll just go ahead and call that OPEN THREAD.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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