The Right-Wing Women’s Soccer Understanders Have Entered The Chat

The US Women’s Soccer Team lost to Sweden and got eliminated from the World Cup this weekend. It was a shocker, but that happens sometimes in sports, where one team surprisingly wins and one team surprisingly loses.

If you are a perpetually victimized and aggrieved American MAGA conservative, you are reacting to this by following the lead of Donald Trump, who fake-tweeted this weekend that the loss happened because “WOKE EQUALS FAILURE” and “Nice shot Megan, the USA is going to Hell!!!”

By Trump’s logic his 2020 campaign must have been so fucking woke its pronouns had pronouns.

Anyway, Trump is very upset with Megan Rapinoe, as he always is, because Megan Rapinoe knows Trump is a vile papercut on the taint of humanity, and she has said so, repeatedly, in her own words. She made fun of the idea of visiting the White House when he was president, due to how it wasn’t an honor then. She’s also a lesbian who is super-outspoken about her support for LGBTQ+ causes and racial justice and all the other things that make a person good. Indeed, the team is largely people like that. Good folks.

Now all the same dumbfuck wind-up conservatives are complaining, saying the same uninteresting paint-by-number things they always say. It’s what they have to do to pretend they matter. Anything to avoid confronting the devastating truth that if conservatives stopped offering their opinions and input on things tomorrow, literally no one would miss them.

Of course, because they are all such athletic sports experts, they are also making comments on how Rapinoe and the team played. Rolling Stone collected a bunch:

“Team USA’s downfall was delivered by anti-America, anti-woman activist Megan Rapinoe’s EMBARRASSING free kick,” wrote right-wing shitposter Benny Johnson, the first of several tweets in which he celebrated how Rapinoe’s “humiliation is COMPLETE,” while alleging that she “intentionally sabotaged Team USA.”

@catturd2, one of Trump’s favorite influencers, was also thrilled. “The anti-American USA woke women’s soccer team has been eliminated and Megan Rapinoe is the cause of it,” he wrote. “I can’t stop laughing.”

“I’m glad they lost,” added T.J. Moe of right-wing outlet The Blaze. “The attitude of the USWNT reflect such poor values it’s sickening. They need an overhaul. The America-hating, entitled, ungrateful group, led by Megan Rapinoe, needs to go. Quite fitting she’s the one who blew their best chance to win.”

Just very upset!

Franklin Graham, the thing that happened when one of Billy Graham’s dumbest sperms got out of the backyard and God didn’t catch it in time, bitched on Facebook that he used to like the women’s soccer team, “but in recent years they have shown disrespect for our country’s flag and national anthem and have used their platform to promote the LGBTQ agenda.” In other words, they stand up for racial justice and they don’t groom LGBTQ+ kids to hate themselves like right-wing Christians would like.

And here is a video of three true soccer understanders on Newsmax, explaining why the soccer team lost:

If you watch that clip you will learn that Megan Rapinoe should have been WAY MORE publicly upset about missing her kick, and that she also lost because “woke agenda.” Indeed, they say the soccer team doesn’t score because “they’re too busy on a woke agenda, social justice, and not playing the game.” That is probably exactly what their practices are like. Just woke agenda drills, and very little “ball.”

What follows after that is a very Newsmax conversation about how woman soccer players don’t deserve to make as much as men soccer players, because “the last thing women want to do is be subsidized by men!” and um, some other reasons, God, these fucking dorks just talk and talk.

Remember back in the days when conservatives used to be so jingoistic with their flag pins, how they’d shame anybody who didn’t cheer on the US and A no matter where it went, whether it was a sports arena or a random Middle Eastern war? It was always fake and they never really loved the actual America, but at least they’re being honest about it now.

And sure, they accuse the players of being “anti-American,” but as usual, what they really mean by that is that the women’s soccer team doesn’t fluff white supremacist conservative dick the way they like.

No, really. That’s what they’re saying. No need to pussyfoot around it.

OPEN THREAD.

[Rolling Stone]

Evan Hurst on Twitter right here. 

BlueSky! 

@evanjosephhurst on Threads!

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