Tax Season Makes Me Want To Scream

Welcome to an advice column by me, Sara Benincasa, a person with opinions. This column won’t diagnose or cure anything, but hopefully it’ll entertain and even comfort you.  Send questions to saratoninnewsletter@gmail.com. If I use your question, I’ll revise it for space and I’ll keep you anonymous.

Dear Sara,

I did not do my taxes this year. I wish I could claim a noble reason like Henry David Thoreau’s righteous indignation against funding a government that pays for wars, but the truth is that I suck at numbers and I hate all the freelancer forms. I am filing for an extension. My brother works with an accountant for a certain fee, and while the fee is reasonable, I know it’ll cancel out the refund I’d get. Should I do it? I hate this time of year a lot. – Spreadsheets Are Monstrous

Dear SAM,

Look, we aren’t all good with numbers. Even people who are great at math do not typically delight in filing their taxes. Unless you really need the tax refund, I say be a job creator and let the accountant do their thing. (I’m assuming you’ve already checked out the online services and determined they are not for you.)

You’re tormenting yourself with a task that genuinely causes you dread, stress, and probably a few sleepless nights. If you’ve got a set budget, see where you can slim down a particular category over the course of a few months until it equals what you’d expect to earn in that tax refund. Maybe it’ll cut into your butt implants fund or the cash you reserve for organic free-range lube, but you’ll be happier.

Listen to Auntie Sara: life is too short to waste time getting all fucked up about this irritating administrative shit when there is a solution. Your brain does some things with ease and some things with great difficulty. We love your brain! Also, it is good to pay for decent help! You deserve to enjoy the April showers and May flowers and June polka tournaments or whatever makes you happy.

Dear Sara,

Is springtime depression a thing? If so, I might have it. I tried looking at my journal for the past few years and it seems to dry up around this season, which supports my theory that the spring makes me feel shitty. However, in winter, I’m happy as a pig in shit. The first snow always feels like a huge relief. What does this mean? – Springtime Affective Disorder

Dear SAD,

I don’t diagnose or cure anything, but if you notice a pattern in your health and can tie it to a specific time of year, I trust that there’s something going on there. Obviously, I’m going to tell you to talk to a therapist, but there are some questions I’d like you to consider (perhaps in your neglected journal).

1. Do you have springtime allergies? Physical health and mental health are impossible to separate. If you feel like shit from congestion and/or a runny nose, maybe it is affecting your mood more than you realize.

2. Does somebody who hurt you have a birthday this time of year? Man, fuck that person. But also, springtime may remind you of their shitty shenanigans.

3. Okay, more realistically, do any sad anniversaries fall in the springtime? Maybe it’s actually when the birthday of your dearly departed parent is on the calendar. Or maybe you had a horrible springtime breakup when you were younger, and it really fucking wrecked you at the time, and even though you don’t think about that person now, your body remembers how bad it was. You may also be remembering a physical injury from your past, a job loss, or really anything that caused you pain.

4. Do you relate to anything in this article by the Mayo Clinic? Because it is run by actual doctor people, and it says seasonal affective disorder can happen any time of year!

Personally, I feel weird and depressed around the change of winter to spring but am fine once spring is in full spring swing. But summer? Not for me (except for summer thunderstorms, which are perfect). Los Angeles also had a fifth season called FIRE SEASON, which I found very depressing! Now I am in Chicago, which seems to have, like, 2.5 seasons.

Back to you! As promised, I am telling you to talk to a therapist. It’s also something to bring up in your annual physical. You are not alone in feeling this way, even though spring and summer get all the good press. You are a winter scamp by nature, and I wish you many happy days of snowbunny joy in future. I just also want a life for you in which you can experience a greater degree of happiness in spring even if you never fall in love with it.

give us money once please?