Readers might have noticed that ever since the unsupervised extremists on the Alabama supreme court ruled that embryos are entitled to daily afternoon juice boxes and a Netflix account, many Republicans have been absolutely falling all over themselves to reassure Americans that they are not coming for their IVF. Why would you think such a thing? P-SHAW! They cannot control what a couple wild and crazy guys in Alabama do with their judicial gavels.
THIS ONE LIKE SO!
Yes, there are crazy people like the Daily Wire’s Michael Knowles out there shouting to the Lord about this ruling and cautioning Republicans against becoming “the party of IVF.” Michael Knowles has issues about these sorts of things. But the Republicans who have somebody on staff who isn’t a lunatic, or who are capable of seeing that the American people think they look like lunatics right now, they are at least doing the pee-pee dance trying to get away from this ruling.
Which is why it’s funny that Politico is reporting that today, Senate Republicans — the looniest ones, the ones you wouldn’t leave your kids alone with for six seconds while you went to get the mail — are probably going to block the Senate’s bill protecting IVF? Who needs it! It’s a STATES RIGHTS issue.
(You know, like abortion is now, after the illegitimate partisan hack Supreme Court, led by stranger danger alert button Samuel Alito, reached into America’s pants and took their bodily autonomy with Dobbs. That’s going well, right?)
As Politico explains, it’s Democratic Senator Tammy Duckworth’s bill, and she wants to pass it by unanimous consent. That means one senator can block it, like Mississippi Republican Cindy Hyde-Smith apparently did in 2022. (Oh yes, Republicans have been barking up this weird chicken for a long time. They’ve always been coming after IVF next. And birth control.)
Will it be Hyde-Smith again? Or will it be a different antisocial urinal cake?
“I don’t see any need to regulate it at the federal level,” said Sen. Roger Marshall (R-Kan.), an OB-GYN by trade, who would not say whether he’d block the bill. “I think the Dobbs decision puts this issue back at the state level, and I would encourage your state legislations to protect in-vitro fertilization.” […]
“The Dobbs decision said that abortion is not part of the Constitution, and they said we’re sending the issue back to the states, and I think that’s where it belongs,” said Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.).
“I believe that the people of Alabama – either themselves or through their legislature – will get something worked out that they’re comfortable with, but I do support fertility technology,” Kennedy added.
Put those creeps down for LOVES DOBBS. And put it in a campaign commercial.
“It’s idiotic for us to take the bait,” said Sen. J.D. Vance (R-Ohio), who clarified he was referring not to Duckworth’s bill on its face but to Democrats’ attempts to use the proposal as an IVF messaging tool. Vance said he’s not yet reviewed the actual bill.
And there’s hillbilly pigfuck JD Vance, who just doesn’t want Republicans to take the Democrats’ “bait” by responding to how extremist Republicans all over America absolutely want to ban IVF.
Put that one in a campaign commercial too. See how well Vance, that sentient pile of mildewing butthair, does with voters on this issue. He’s too smart to “take the bait,” after all. (He’s too busy baiting his tongue up Vladimir Putin’s ass.)
Politico notes that for some of these Republicans, they’d have a hard time trying to be really supportive of IVF, considering their past records. They point to people like insurrectionist Christian extremist House Speaker Mike Johnson, who “has previously supported legislation that could restrict access to the fertility tech.” And that people like Lindsey Graham are always trying to pass federal abortion bans, which would be two peas in a pod with rulings like the Alabama one, and which, weirdly, do not “leave” “abortion” “up to the states.”
(By the way, NBC News is currently curious where Lindsey’s annual proposed abortion ban is. Did it get lost? Did he forget to introduce it? He’d better get on that!)
Politico sums it up:
Regardless, Republicans’ hesitation over the IVF protection bill highlights their election-year jam: Democrats will continue trying to tie them to the Alabama ruling, which has shut down IVF facilities in the state.
Correct.
Why?
Because fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you, fuck you, fuck you fuck you, fuck you, you vile un-American theocratic scumbag shithole creatures. You made your bed, goddamned go to sleep in it.
Guess we’ll see what the Senate does with Tammy Duckworth’s bill. Ooh! Maybe they can just sign on to GOP Rep. Nancy Mace’s non-binding resolution supporting IVF! That’ll fix it.
Regardless, we’re sure they’ll all make the right choice and American voters will continue to reward them for their governing abilities. Or perhaps not.
The end.
[Politico]
PREVIOUSLY!
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
If you’re shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
