Sean Hannity Knows What He’d Do If He Was Poland, He’d Be Like BAM! BAM! And Russia’d Be Like OH SH*T, YO!

Good news! It looks like that missile that fell on Poland yesterday and killed two people was not from the Russians, even though it was Russian-made. Lotta Russian-made stuff floating around those parts. NATO’s secretary general and the president of Poland say it likely came from Ukraine, that Ukraine was defending itself from a Russian attack, and a missile landed in Poland accidentally.

It would have been a big deal, obviously. If Russia hits a NATO country and NATO chooses to acknowledge it as such, then NATO would have to respond, on account of that whole “attack on one is an attack on all” thing. And if Vladimir Putin were to try some shit to distract/escalate, the timing could possibly make sense, what with the liberation of Kherson in Ukraine, which Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy says is the “beginning of the end” of the war. Also, Democrats kept the United States Senate and Republicans only hung on by the tiniest of threads in the House, which means funding for Ukraine is probably more secure than Putin was hoping it would be.

But they’re saying the Polish strike was an accident.

Let’s let that be a lesson about jumping the gun. Hey, we even jumped the gun a little bit when we heard a Russian missile had hit Poland, when we immediately were like “U HAPPY NOW, TULSI GABBARD?” We don’t feel bad about it, because she can take a hike, but we’re willing to acknowledge it.

Know who REALLY jumped the gun? Sean Hannity, who was on the radio when the news broke, and had hardly any information about what had happened, but that didn’t matter because he was already in Russia, retaliating. We have video:

Giphy

Haha, we are hilarious. (If you do not know all internet traditions.)

Here is the audio, because it was on the radio:

SEAN HANNITY (HOST): This is now a NATO problem, but it’s also a Poland problem. If I was Poland, I would immediately strike back at Russian forces in Russia. And you say, “Hannity, you’re going to start a nuclear war.” No, I’m not looking to start a nuclear war. I’m looking to prevent a nuclear war. I’m looking to prevent this from now getting far worse. The only thing that should matter here is that there be a quick and appropriate response.

Correction: It would have been a NATO problem if it was a confirmed hostile strike on Poland by Russia. It was not time yet for Poland to “immediately strike back at Russian forces in Russia,” no matter how much Sean Hannity was enjoying this game of “If I Was Poland.” Thank God he’s not!

And you say “Hannity, you’re going to start a nuclear wear.” And the answer is yes, he could have, because if he had done that and it turned out the Russian strike was a mistake, then Hannity/Poland’s strike on Russia would have been the first strike.

Of course, in one way we are happy to hear a Fox News primetime host be so willing to hold Russia accountable for its actions. He should have some friendly dad chats with the guy in the timeslot next to his.

For some reason that Hannity “If I Was Poland” monologue reminds us of how Hannity talks about his MMA workouts.

“We have days we call ‘keeping it real,’ ” he said. “And keeping it real is like this guy who’s so big and so strong, and he’s coming up to me all throughout an hour-and-15-minute session and putting me in chokeholds, seeing how I respond to a gun to my head. You know, how do I deal with blades? And then another day is pain day, and then literally you put out your arms, ‘Boom, boom, boom.’ ” He mimed a hammer-punching motion against his forearm and stomach. “It’s made me stronger than I’ve ever been in my life.”

Now enjoy these videos of Sean Hannity explaining more about how to be an MMA fighter, which he is:

Never, ever will not be funny.

OPEN THREAD!

[Media Matters / New York Times]

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