America’s Very Fine People have decided to sacrifice the town of Springfield, Ohio, as an offering to the MAGA gods in hopes of securing the 2024 presidential election for Donald Trump. They’ve tortured grieving families! They’ve pushed the formerly Trump-supporting Republican mayor to be so frustrated with their antics that he might not even vote for Trump in the next election!
“Any political leader that takes the national stage and has the national spotlight needs to understand the gravity of the words that they have for cities like ours, and what they say impacts our city,” Mayor Rob Rue told POLITICO. “And we’ve had bomb threats the last two days. We’ve had personal threats the last two days, and it’s increasing, because the national stage is swirling this up. Springfield, Ohio, is caught in a political vortex, and it is a bit out of control. We are a wonderful city — a beautiful town. And for what it’s worth, your pets are safe in Springfield, Ohio.”
They’ve invaded the city, desperately in search of cat-eating Haitian immigrants in hopes of proving that Trump and JD Vance are not weird lying liars! They’ve inspired however many bomb threats! They’ve even pushed the lady who originated the damn rumor to come forward and admit she didn’t actually know if it really happened or not and just heard about it from someone who said they heard it from someone who said they heard it from someone!
So how is the town of Springfield doing?
And now they can’t even host their planned CultureFest, because they’re literally afraid that one of the Very Fine People will bomb them.
Via Facebook:
In light of recent threats and safety concerns, the City of Springfield has made the difficult decision to cancel this year’s CultureFest celebration. The decision was made with the utmost consideration for the safety and well-being of our community and event participants.
CultureFest, scheduled for September 27-28, is an event that celebrates diversity, arts and local culture. City officials, in consultation with local and state law enforcement, determined that canceling the event is the most responsible course of action to prevent any potential risks to attendees, staff, vendors and volunteers.
“We deeply regret having to cancel CultureFest, as we know it is a beloved event for our community,” said City Manager Bryan Heck. “However, the safety of our residents and visitors must come first.”
We appreciate your understanding and cooperation during this time. We remain dedicated to ensuring a safe and supportive environment for all.
How sad for them!
All these poor Springfieldians want to do is enjoy their nice city that has been newly revitalized due to the influx of immigrants (true story!), not be run over with neo-Nazis, and buy some quirky earrings and maybe a nice candle or some pottery at a CultureFest, but Trump and Vance and their acolytes won’t allow it. Because they’re terrible nightmare people who don’t want anyone to be happy, duh.
