Raphael Warnock MAYBE POSSIBLY Doing Very Well But Maybe He Isn’t, You Don’t Know

Look, there are a whole bunch of disclaimers, and this is news that should make absolutely nobody relax and go eat a peach and forget to vote in November, but it is possible Senator Raphael Warnock is doing very well in Georgia.

A poll (ONE POLL) from Quinnipiac University (ONE QUINNIPIAC UNIVERSITY) says Warnock is 10 points ahead of professional robot ballerina rocket scientist cowboy porn star Power Ranger spaceman Herschel Walker.

This would be very good! But again, it is one poll (ONE POLL) and it doesn’t look like this race has been polled very much, and this is definitely the biggest lead that’s manifested for Warnock, but on the other hand this is the only major poll taken after the past month of total fucking embarrassment for Herschel (who’s got multiple personalities? JESUS OUR LORD), so maybe that’s really the way the numbers are trending.

But on the other other hand, secret Wonkette operative “Florida numbers guy” says Quinnipiac polling blows a whole goat in the South.

So who knows?

But if we take this poll (ONE POLL) at face value (YOUR FACE) then it says Warnock is up over Herschel 54 to 44. It appears this owes to huge leads among independents (62-33) and women (61-37). Also, according to Quinnipiac analyst Tim Malloy, “Herschel Walker fumbles on honesty and tumbles on favorability as Raphael Warnock surges ahead in the race for senator.”

Meanwhile, this poll has Stacey Abrams and Brian Kemp completely tied 48 to 48, which would suggest that at this moment there are ticket-splitting Kemp-Warnock voters. The Malloy guy says this is because Georgia voters think both candidates are “honesty, empathy, and leadership,” haha, what idiots.

And the rest of the numbers in this poll are just bad, so maybe Raphael Warnock really is doing this well if he’s got these numbers in a poll next to these numbers:

• Fully 41 percent think the biggest issue is “inflation,” while “Samuel Alito stole your uterus and gave it to one of the Nazi popes” only ranks at the top for 10 percent.
• Joe Biden’s job approval is only 33 percent, in Georgia, this swingiest of swing states. Jesus.

But hey, maybe Quinnipiac’s numbers are blowing a goat there, too, anything is possible.

Regardless, who knows what’ll happen between now and November, things can always get much worse than they are today. They can’t get better because that’s not the direction America goes in anymore.

Fucking vote, sheeple!

[Quinnipiac, which is ONE POLL]

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