At long last, the Gaetz report is here, and boy has former Congressman Florida Peen’s wangledonger been up to some unseemly activities!
Paying for underage sex AKA statutory rape! Drugs! Bahamian bonery that violated the gift rules! Holy blackmail material, Batman, you’re going to want to zip up into the hazmat suit for this one! In spite of Matt Gaetz running his Botoxed forehead into court Monday morning to sue the House Ethics Committee to try to block its release, as if a court could do something, whoomp, there it is. Gaetz stone-cold-busted with receipts and testimony from multiple people, corroborating his peening, paying, drug-doing ways. And UGH, so deeply sad and gross for these girls, one who was a junior in high school, who got roped into the most disgusting-sounding parties with lumpen 30-something men, feeling coerced because they needed the money, and then compelled to testify about the skeeviest episodes of their lives, over and over.
We’e got Gaetz asking for drugs, which is cringe-ly called “party favors,” “rolls” or “vitamins.” We’ve got witnesses saying they saw Gaetz take drugs, at least five times, and at least 20 times that he paid for sex and/or drugs.
And whoa, he didn’t spend just $10k: From 2017 to 2020, he made minor Venmo, PayPal and CashApp payments totaling $91,000 to 12 different women, often with cringe emojis, sometimes via his pal Joel Greenberg. For what? “Party!” or “Tuition” or “Nestor,” he wrote at the age of 35.
The report has got the receipts! A check to Joel Greenberg, which Greenberg said was reimbursement for a party pad. A text from a “Marissa,” fussing that she had not been paid. Texts from Gaetz directing Greenberg to pay the women. Texts from Gaetz’s then-girlfriend and party-girl payer trying to avoid paying: “the guys [Representative Gaetz and Mr. Greenberg] wanted me to share that they are a little limited in their cash flow this weekend . . . [M]att was like[,] if it can be more of a customer appreciation week.” A few months later, she noted that, “Btw Matt also mentioned he is going to be a bit generous cause of the ‘customer appreciation’ thing last time.”
PSA: If you aspire to get paid for sex, always get the money up front.
Gaetz claimed there was no expectation of cash, but there sure appeared to be an expectation of cash, and disappointment from his “friends” when said cash did not arrive as promised:
“Then I sent you some. Then I sent some to others. Then I sent you more,” presumably-Greenberg-or-girlfriend texted.
“So I’m not to be taken care of for last week?”
“I gave you $250 today.”
“Matt never paid me,” complained one girl to another in a different text. “How much did he pay you?”
“WTF .. he gave me $400”
“Ugh, I hope he remembers I don’t wanna have to ask”
“Don’t ask just say it to him on Friday”
“Ok”
“Like while you’re giving him a bj ask ahahahahahaha before you have sex with him for sure”
“Ok
Ugh”
Gaetz claimed he and the women were friends, they were not. One of them told the committee, “Matt Gaetz paid me for sex, that was the extent of our interaction.” Womp.
Actual friend, Chris Dorworth, remember him? Former lobbyist and former member of the Florida House, who sued Joel Greenberg, his parents and their dental practice for linking him to criminal activity and included witness statements in his suit, thereby bringing even more attention onto himself and his gross buddies? He is mentioned.
UGH INDEED.
“Mr. Dorworth testified to the Committee that he himself was not present for the July 15, 2017, party at his own home, despite Victim A’s assertions to the contrary. After the Committee’s interview, and after he settled his lawsuit against Victim A, Mr. Dorworth was deposed and confronted with cell phone records showing that he was in fact at his residence during the party.”
WHOOPS.
There’s a girl asking Joel Greenberg what his friend looks like, and Greenberg helpfully sending along a shot of his pal Gaetz.
There’s misusing official resources by getting his chief of staff to help one of his fuck-friends get a speedy passport, and lying to the Department of State that she was a constituent.
There was obstruction of Congress, which, they note, is a crime. And the sex and drugs are against Florida law. Why has nobody charged this asshole?
Yep, this is the guy who That Man wanted to be attorney general, a perfect choice if the goal is to discredit American institutions and turn them into a joke. Which sure does seem to be the goal.
We’ve got the Bahamas trip with Dr. Handjob McWeedPot, which Evan wrote about back in 2021. Much of this we already knew, thanks to the firsthand account of Gaetz’s party broski, that Seminole County tax collector Joel Greenberg, who is currently enjoying 11 years in Club Fed after pleading guilty to underage sex trafficking, wire fraud, stalking, identity theft, producing a fake ID card, and conspiring to defraud the US government.
SO MUCH MORE MATT GAETZ!
Yep, this is the guy pious Speaker Mike Johnson and the GOP were backing and protecting! Everybody except for at least one Republican on the House Ethics Committee, that is. Wonder which part made them change their mind? Maybe something to do with how even other Republicans hated him for the shit he pulled to get Kevin McCarthy ousted as speaker? Remember how Rep. Mike Rogers, R-Ala., even had to be physically restrained after lunging at him?
Hey, whatever happened to that wacky sextortion plot that Gaetz was saying this all was, involving an Iranian hostage and father Gaetz being approached by Air Force intelligence, a $25 million payment, and Gaetz being exonerated as a hero? Oh well.
Gaetz is fuming, natch, and still on his line that the sex and the money was just a correlation, not a sex causation.
“Giving funds to someone you are dating – that they didn’t ask for – and that isn’t ‘charged’ for sex is now prostitution?!? There is a reason they did this to me in a Christmas Eve-Eve report and not in a courtroom of any kind where I could present evidence and challenge witnesses,” Gaetz said Monday. “This is testimony from one of the alleged ‘prostitutes’ that you won’t see in the report!” Oh, so sealed testimony?
“A lot of times” not getting paid to be there would sure seem to imply there were other times that she was, but she didn’t call it sex work, and she wouldn’t say she was trafficked, so there! And why was Joel Greenberg meeting these friends on SeekingArrangement.com, and not SeekingPlatonicFriends?
As the report concludes: “The Committee determined there is substantial evidence that Representative Gaetz violated House Rules and other standards of conduct prohibiting prostitution, statutory rape, illicit drug use, impermissible gifts, special favors or privileges, and obstruction of Congress.” However, “Although Representative Gaetz did cause the transportation of women across state lines for purposes of commercial sex, the Committee did not find evidence that any of those women were under 18 at the time of travel, nor did the Committee find sufficient evidence to conclude that the commercial sex acts were induced by force, fraud, or coercion.” Well, that’s good.
Thus concludes our icky time with Matt Gaetz, who has now withdrawn his peen and returned it to the private sector. Though Gaetz is claiming he’s coming back January 3 to expose everybody sleeping with everybody on the Hill, because even scandal needs to take a holiday.
Can’t wait!
This has been your Christmas Eve post, and it’s the only one you’re getting so OPEN THREAD.
