Okay, But Isn’t *Every* Day Wine Day?

Happy weekend!

Today is National Wine Day, which I suppose I will be celebrating the same way I celebrate all of the days that are not National Wine Day.

For your present this week, I shall bless you with perhaps the greatest television commercial that never happened — the outtakes from the Orson Welles Paul Masson French Champagne commercial.

The actual commercial came out a little differently, and it seems they eventually decided to call it a day and just go with a voiceover.

Which is not to say that the outtakes themselves have not been highly influential.

Now, I love wine, but I also kind of think everyone is probably lying about the flavors that are in wines. Like, I have never licked an oak tree, so I really could not tell you if a wine is oaky, and I’m honestly not clear on if that is meant to be a plus or a minus. Then again, most of my wine comes in a box so I’m probably only getting notes of cardboard. (My fancy-time wine is, of course, the Whispering Angels rosé, though it is reserved for only the Most Very Special Episodes of my Bravo shows.)

Luckily for those of us with such unrefined tastes, there is help. Help in the form of Vincent Price’s spoken word album Wine is Elegance, in which he explains how to serve wine at your fancy dinner party.

You are welcome!

See, now I would think having a different kind of wine with every course of a six-course meal would be the kind of thing that would end poorly, but I am not Wine Expert Vincent Price, so what do I know?

I’m honestly just disappointed that I can’t try this disco wine “for night people.” (Unless there’s cocaine in it, because it seems like there might be cocaine in it.)

FYI, since in addition to National Wine Day it’s also Memorial Day weekend, we’ll have a shortened post schedule, just like maybe a couple a day instead of the usual four or five we spoil you with! But late notice, we will have an extra bonus Memorial Day matinee movie night Monday at 4 eastern; it will probably be M*A*S*H!

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