The newest defense for Donald Trump stealing America’s secrets and then shaking them around at everybody like a senile 77-year-old who just discovered his wanger — pretty sure that’s how Special Counsel Jack Smith wrote it in the indictment — is that he couldn’t possibly have been committing a crime on that Bedminster tape, because he was drinking Diet Coke at the time.
Nobody drinks Diet Coke during crimes. Ever heard of somebody saying “Hey, wanna Diet Coke and Crime?” No you haven’t. Anybody ever sent you to the store for Diet Coke and crime tools? Nope. Because it is not possible.
Mind you, this is not a defense Donald Trump came up with. Those are also very stupid. But this is the kind of stupid that can only come from Newsmax anchor Greg Kelly.
Tell us, Normal Greg!
GREG KELLY: Remember, what did The New York Times say about this kind of stuff? “The leaking of secrets has long been a favored tool of policy debate, political combat and diplomatic one-upmanship.” Finally, he asked for some refreshments. […]
When you’re talking about, let’s have a few Diet Cokes, you don’t think you’re in the middle of a crime. And he was not in the middle of a crime.
We’ll explain the Times reference in a second. Here’s how the segment ran:
Greg excitedly exclaimed that for those who think they’ve got Trump dead to rights, “THEY DON’T!” He played the tape of Trump at Bedminster talking with the woman writing Mark Meadows’s biography, but cut it off before Trump pulled his pants down and started showing everybody his state secrets. Greg started babbling about the Steele Dossier and coups.
After he bizarrely tried to start a conspiracy theory about troops at Trump’s inauguration turning their backs on him during his inaugural speech, Greg finally restarted the tape, then stopped again after Trump told Meadows’s biographer that his disclosure of the state secrets was “off the record.” Apparently Greg is under the impression that the disclosure of state secrets does not count if it is “off the record.”
He tried to compare Trump disclosing state secrets to George W. Bush disclosing intelligence during the Iraq War, seemingly forgetting that Donald Trump is not president of the United States and does not have declassification or disclosure authority. He kept going back to this, because he knows the average Newsmax viewer’s IQ is too small to catch that glaring difference between the two situations. That’s what that New York Times thing in the block quote is about.
After babbling a conspiracy theory about Hillary Clinton, he at last got to the part about Diet Coke, and how it’s physically impossible to crime while you are enjoying that refreshment. That’s just a scientific fact.
You’d think Jack Smith would be filing emergency motions to drop his case and slinking away in shame right now, but he is not. He’s chugging along on this case, and also on his other case, which is focused on January 6 and Trump’s efforts to mount a coup to overthrow the government and overturn the election to retain power. He’s setting up meetings with Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger (“Find me 11,780 votes!”) and apparently Rudy Giuliani recently came in for a volunteer interview.
Wonkette will have a full post on that one a bit later.
Meanwhile, back on the classified docs homefront, ABC News reports that a prominent Trump aide named Susie Wiles is the person referenced in Smith’s indictment when it talks about Trump showing somebody a top secret classified map of a foreign country that they were not supposed to see. (She was called “PAC representative” in the indictment.) This is the other time in the indictment where Smith says Trump did show-and-tell with the documents he stole.
Trump, in the indictment, is alleged to have shown the classified map of an unidentified country to Wiles while discussing a military operation that Trump said “was not going well,” while adding that he “should not be showing the map” to her and “not to get too close.”
In response, Trump’s campaign spokesperson said unhinged North Korean news lady words about how Smith is somehow “attacking” Trump’s re-election campaign, we guess by mentioning that Trump disseminated state secrets to a top person working on his re-elect. It’s hard to parse their statement, it’s totally incoherent and hysterical.
ABC News does note that if it was indeed Wiles Trump showed the map to, it could get kind of weird if one of the top people working to re-elect him also has to be a witness in his trial.
Obviously none of this matters if Trump was drinking Diet Coke while he showed Wiles the map.
Or if he said “Off the record.”
Or “Simon Says.”
Or “No homo.”
OK this post is over.
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