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Do not write on the internet that Mike Lindell, AKA El Guapo de Pillow, has fallen on hard times. Everything is great, and he has recently printed out a YouTube which PROVES once and for all that the Chinese Communist Party dressed up as Joe Biden in a French maid costume and stole the election from Donald Trump in 2020 and also in the future in 2024 and 2028 and probably all the ones after that too.
And he is not having a bad time because he issues challenges to people saying “Prove my election conspiracy theories wrong and I will give you five million dollars” and then they prove him wrong and then mean judges say he has to pay five million dollars.
However, the fake Star Tribune out of Minneapolis is fakely reporting that Lindell is having to auction off a whole lot of his treasured pillow-making supplies, after all these retailers have told him to fuck off recently. He’s auctioning off 850 pillow-making supplies, in fact!
Trucks and vans and forklifts! Pallet wrappers and automatic case erectors! Really big staplers! Industrial sewing machines! Blowers! Motors! Office supplies! Cubicles and desks and chairs!
Portable Massage Tables! No really, there’s a bunch of ’em and they’re all like five or six dollars, or at least their opening bids are that low. Go buy yourself some of the MyPillow Guy’s massage tables and use ’em as stocking stuffers!
Don’t you want to get rubbed on one of the MyPillow Guy’s rubbing tables?
They also have lots of electronics, including racks for computer servers. Wonder if they used to hold all the MyPillow Guy’s proofs that the election was stolen? Shitloads of tablets and laptops and desktop computers, too. Everything must go, we guess.
The MyPillow Guy says he’s lost annual sales to the tune of $100 million, so that’s sad for him, hope he doesn’t turn back to drugs.
“It was a massive, massive cancellation,” Lindell said in a phone interview Monday. “We lost $100 million from attacks by the box stores, the shopping networks, the shopping channels, all of them did cancel culture on us.”
LMAO.
Hate it when Walmart does cancel culture to ya. We hear the little bouncy smiley face creeper administers the canceling personally.
The Star Tribune says this auction is not apparently related to the ongoing Dominion Voting Systems lawsuit against the pillow freak, another $1.3 billion defamation lawsuit like the one Fox News got. Maybe he’ll have to do a bigger auction then, or maybe drive Ubers or become a male model or pick up lunch shifts at Applebee’s or do furry porn.
Lindell has not backed down from his assertions that there was something wrong with the 2020 election and its results. He said he plans to host an event next month detailing a new way to hold elections.
Because the definition of insanity is definitely not that.
Anyway, the MyPillow Guy says he’s going to have to re-buy all this stuff if someday [he isn’t batshit and] big-box retailers start wanting to be associated with his stupid face and his lame pillows again. We reckon that’s a bridge he can cross when he never gets there.
At press time, Wonkette was updating its Christmas wish list to include all the possessions the MyPillow Guy ever has to auction off to finance his brain-damaged bugfuckery.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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