Were we not JUST reading about Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert throwing ‘bows in the bathroom because whyever? Of course we all got to witness that weeklong slapfest over who got to be speaker of the House, Kevin McCarthy or Never Kevin McCarthy. And at the penultimate moment of that slapfest, GOP Rep. Mike Rogers almost tossed Matt Gaetz down the Capitol steps on his bottom!
Now comes Puck News with news of another pissfight in the House of Representatives, again between Republicans. This is all great because it gives the laser-pointer-focused Beltway media a chance to fixate on something else besides President Grandpa accidentally bringing home classified documents because he thought they were the Jumble.
This time, the combatants are Kevin McCarthy (again) and Florida GOP Rep. Vern Buchanan. The reason for the fight is, we regret to inform you, not particularly sexy, which is to be expected, because a story about a man named “Vern” has never been particularly sexy. Have you ever heard anybody say, “And now for the sex, it’s VERN”? You haven’t.
Vern has been wanting to be chair of the powerful House Ways and Means Committee. If you read our story about how many of the new Republican committee chairs are rank seditionists, you might have noticed that list was distinctly Vern-free, as that gavel went to Jason Smith of Missouri. Vern has been calling reports that he might resign from Congress if he didn’t get that chairmanship total hogwash, but he doesn’t sound happy, just the same.
Just how angry was he? Well, a source on the House floor during the vote told me that while McCarthy was gaveling down the votes, Buchanan walked up to McCarthy and said, “You fucked me, I know it was you, you whipped against me.” He then proceeded to chew out McCarthy’s deputy chief of staff for floor operations, John Leganski. It was shocking to see such fury from Buchanan, who’s known for being mild mannered. Indeed, I heard that the tirade was so heated that the Speaker’s security detail stepped in with a light touch. (McCarthy’s spokesperson Matt Sparks disputed this detail saying, “at no point did anyone have to step in.” A spokesperson for Buchanan declined to comment.)
Florida Politics confirms that “words were shared between the two men.”
Tara Palmeri reports that this was a very big snub because Buchanan was the most senior person on Ways and Means, whereas Jason Smith was fifth in line. Some pretty serious leapfrogging from Kevin McCarthy there. One source says of Buchanan that “Vern put out more money in fundraising than anyone else, and he wanted that job.” That same person says that “Smith is a McCarthy crony,” so we guess Buchanan just isn’t far enough up McCarthy’s ass. (He is reportedly much closer to Steve Scalise.)
Palmeri reports that Republicans are “fixated” on whether old Vern (he is 71) would leave Congress over this, considering how we just got a vivid demonstration of how little wiggle room Kevin McCarthy has to pass Republican bills that will die in the Democratic Senate. If old Vern left, would they have enough votes to ban Hunter Biden’s penis from performing in Drag Queen Story Hour? Would they have the margin they need to ensure that the green M&M goes back to dressing in ways that compliment her figure?
And what if George Santos had to leave Congress for some reason?
“Positively ludicrous,” says Max Goodman, Buchanan’s political adviser, about rumors he could leave Congress over this.
All the same, we love to watch them fight and wish for them all to somehow lose.
[Puck]
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