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To paraphrase the Catholic Church when it first heard Galileo yammering like a drunk hobo about heliocentrism, what in the atonal fuck is this shit?
Kari Lake […] is releasing a music single Thursday at midnight called “81 Million Votes, My Ass” […] The track was produced by members of the team behind a song Donald Trump and a group of Jan. 6 prisoners released in March.
Oh sure, who can forget the big hit “Justice For All,” the greatest political protest song since Pete Seeger plucked his last banjo string. Our more discerning readers will remember that one, a cheap recording of Jan. 6 inmates in a Washington jail giving their nightly rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” interspersed with Donald Trump reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, a track which we cheerfully described at the time as an “abomination of the very concept of music.”
Apparently the mockery from anyone with functional eardrums was not enough for the crew that put that one together. Now calling themselves the Truth Bombers, they have returned with this befoulment of the art form that Plato extolled as giving “soul to the universe.” And miraculously, they convinced Kari Lake to take a short break from losing the Arizona governor’s election again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again to help out:
Lake agreed to participate to raise awareness about voter fraud, she told “Real America’s Voice” on Wednesday. “I want to send a message to the technocrats, to the tyrants, that we’re on to what they’re pushing,” Lake said. “We’re on to this B.S. system.”
This B.S. system where we count votes and then Kari Lake complains about it in court and then every single court that takes multiple looks at Arizona’s elections determines that she’s more full of it than the septic system in a college dorm after Raw Chicken Night in the cafeteria? That system? Okay.
The title of the song comes from a speech Lake gave at CPAC’s Ronald Reagan Dinner this past March and reflects the wingnut trope that there must have been voter fraud in the 2020 election because there is simply no way Joe Biden could have gotten 81 million votes, because reasons. He’s old! He stutters! He never left his basement during the campaign!
That Biden maybe got 81 million votes despite staying in his basement because Donald Trump didn’t stay in his never seems to occur to this collection of Mensa scholars, at least not while there are dollars to suck out of conservative pockets by claiming otherwise.
We will give these maestros a tiny bit of credit: That opening guitar riff slaps. Listen to those power chords! Is that C.C. DeVille jamming away?
Unfortunately the lead-in to that opening is a clip of Kari Lake making a lame Hunter Biden joke, and it is followed by lyrics right out of a wingnut grievance generator. Hey Joe Biden, you made gas expensive! You gave the middle class the finger, you sack of liberal crap!
Then there is some blah blah blah about the mules who threw Trump ballots in the garbage interspersed with Lake assuring us she is in good health and not suicidal (was there some question about Kari Lake being suicidal before?) and just oh my god the “Veep” writers would have rejected a song like this as being too unbelievably cringe even for Selina Meyer. Or worse, Jonah Ryan’s congressional race.
Conservative commentator Ed Henry, a producer of the track, also promised – excuse us, threatened – more of these “quote unquote truth bomb{s},” so as a public service announcement, we advise everyone to prioritize funneling molten steel into your ears as soon as possible.
The proceeds for the song will allegedly go towards helping the families of people imprisoned for their roles in January 6. If you really want to be helpful, you could spring for the $100 vinyl record of the song that the producers are selling, assuming Joe Biden hasn’t made you poor. Or you could spend that hundred bucks on something useful, like molten steel and a funnel.
[Forbes]
Spend a hundred bucks on a Kari Lake single? Why would you do that when you can donate to Wonkette instead? We promise you will never have to hear us sing.
