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It’s time for a quick check-in with Kari Lake, the batfuckingcrazy QAnon Republican person running for governor of Arizona. Lake recently emerged from behind her “Comfy Cozy Candidate” Zoom filter to speak to humans in the flesh at a church, and it was time for a Bible religion lesson, because church.
The lesson of the day was about persecution, because you know who is persecuted? White fundamentalist fascist Christians. And you know who persecutes them? Joe Biden, when he calls them names.
Listen to the word of the Lord, as explained by Kari Lake.
Mediaite with some transcript:
“You can call us whatever you want, Joe. You can call us extremists. You can call us domestic terrorists. You know who else was called a lot of names, his whole life? Jesus,” Lake proclaimed, pointing to a cross displayed in the corner of the stage.
“He never stopped. He never stopped. They called him names right up until his death. So why should we care what Joe Biden thinks of us?” she continued as the crowd burst into applause.
That’s right. Jesus was a victim of name-calling, and so are MAGA domestic terrorist extremist grunting people. Jesus kept going. Jesus didn’t care what people called him, and likewise so must MAGA people persevere through the persecution, at the hands of mean people like Joe Biden who call them names.
Lake continued:
“Do you think that our founding fathers really cared what King George said about them? I don’t think so. And they all had bounties on their head, by the way, hopefully that doesn’t get to that in this country,” she concluded.
In case you didn’t catch the parallel she’s drawing — it’s very subtle! — she’s saying MAGA people are just like the founding fathers, who literally led a war for independence from King George. But hey, don’t call these people seditionists or domestic terrorists or extremists!
In related news, in the same church event, Kari Lake decided to prove she wasn’t afraid to copy off Donald Trump’s paper and say offensive racist things Trump has already said. It’s not like she’s going to offend any of the bigots who love her and also love Trump.
But which racist thing would she say? Trump has only said about 75 million racist things in public in the past decade, how could she possibly choose? Oh, just the Mexican rapist one? She likes that one? Fuck it, she’s sayin’ the Mexican rapist thing.
Like a real Klever Kari, she said she knew the media might have a “field day” with what she was about to say, but she said it anyway, because she’s also a Konfident Kari. “They ARE bringing drugs, they ARE bringing crime, and they ARE rapists, and that’s who’s comin’ across our border.”
And the people at the church cheered and cheered, because that’s what people at MAGA Christian churches do in America, they stomp their feet and clap their hands when people say racist things about Mexicans.
But listen, if any Mexican people hear this and are offended by it, just take the Kari Lake quote above and Mad Lib it and read it back to her stupid fucking bigoted ass.
Like so:
“You can call us whatever you want, Joe Kari. You can call us extremists criminals. You can call us domestic terrorists rapists. You know who else was called a lot of names, his whole life? Jesus. He never stopped. He never stopped. They called him names right up until his death. So why should we care what Joe Biden some two-bit QAnon halfwit named Kari Lake thinks of us?”
Thank you for coming to our Bible lesson on name-calling, which was inspired by Kari Lake’s Bible lesson on name-calling.
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