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Canada and the US both had big birthdays this month. While Americans are now expected to celebrate Independence Day ironically after six dicks on the Supreme Court decided a return to a monarchy would be in everyone’s best interest instead, Canadians marked the country’s 157 years of existence three days earlier. Not to mention Pamela Anderson’s 57th birthday as the very first Canadian citizen born on its centennial.
Both countries are also currently sharing loud and insistent calls for their elected leaders to resign for the good of the country.
You don’t need me to remind you of the despair in the air after Joe Biden had a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Night pushing back against the energized, unmoderated bullshit spewing from his inexplicably unincarcerated opponent.
But while the main problem with Old Handsome Joe is the number of years he’s been on the planet, the main problem with youngish, handsomer Justin Trudeau is the number of years he’s been in power. A LOT of people simply hate his guts after nearly a decade as prime minister, and he is now under heavy pressure to step aside and let someone fresher and new take over as leader of the Liberals before the next election — likely in fall of next year — and a predicted wipeout by the Pierre Polievre-led Conservatives.
It’s considered a truism that major shifts in US politics tend to happen in America’s Hat shortly afterward. Examples from the current century include the Supremes choosing hawkish rightwinger Dick Cheney George W. Bush to be in charge while Canadian voters themselves picked chilly Conservative Stephen Harper a few years later. Y’all got a young cool guy bursting with optimism in Barry Obamz while Iglooland soon said “yes, we can” to a less substantial one with nice socks and hair. A minority of Americans then “elected” an obvious sociopath, and the odds are likely the Kingdom of the North is going to skip a kindly grandpa era to catch up with a homegrown Joffrey Baratheon unless the Grits can somehow turn their ship around.
A recent poll by Global News suggests a whopping 68 percent of Canadians want Trudeau to walk the plank, which is normally something he would only do as part of a pilates routine. The desire for him to call it a day is unsurprisingly highest in Alberta (79 percent), where “Fuck Trudeau” has more or less been an unofficial provincial slogan going back to his father Pierre’s days as prime minister. The same poll also found the Conservatives would win a “comfortable victory” with 42 percent of the decided vote if an election were held tomorrow to the Liberals’ 24 percent and the perennial bridesmaid NDP’s 18 percent.
But polls, shmolls amirite? Only lonesome boomers answer calls from unknown numbers, and we all know election results is the only thing that matter.
Which is why a recent byelection in Toronto-St. Paul’s, where Liberal candidate Leslie Church lost to rookie Conservative Don Stewart, is considered a flashing early warning sign the former whitewater rafting guide is up the creek without a paddle. Ever since the key urban district’s boundaries were redrawn in 1993 making it more Liberal-friendly — meaning more lowly renters were added to the pool of wealthy homeowners — Toronto–St. Paul’s has only ever elected members of Team Red. The Tories hadn’t actually won any seats in the country’s biggest city since 2011.
So far the only member of the Liberal caucus on the record to openly call for the boss to step down is backbencher Wayne Long, the MP for my childhood home of Saint John-Rothesay, who isn’t seeking re-election but has at least qualified for a lifetime government pension after being first elected in 2015’s Red Wave. But there was immediately an off-the-books caucus meeting at Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland’s Toronto backyard after the loss to discuss some of the heads that may need to roll.
Freeland also serves as Finance Minister, a plum post traditionally considered a stepping stone to the top job. Other potential successors include former Bank of Canada governor Mark Carney, Public Safety Minister Dominic LeBlanc, and Treasury Board prez Anita Anand, none of whom have much in the way of buzz factor or even household name recognition.
There is recent precedent in the Liberals kicking out a PM who’d overstayed his welcome though: Paul Martin shivved Jean Chretien on his way to shacking up at 24 Sussex Drive in 2002 but only after building a support base in backrooms in the House of Commons for a decade. There simply isn’t an obvious Kamala Harris-type waiting in the wings in Ottawa.
So I have a humble and only half-kidding suggestion for any party apparatchik who are astute enough to read Wonkette on the reg — or better yet are paid subscribers —and that’s to try to draft Pamela Anderson to run for the job. She’s basically Canada’s answer to Dolly Parton and not just in terms of cup size. Apart from the Confederation kismet of having a PM born on the country’s 100th birthday, the woman is universally adored and has a far more impressive CV than you might think as an author, entrepreneur, activist, and even a Broadway star after playing Roxie in a recent production of Chicago. The party’s high flyers typically come from Bay Street rather than “Baywatch” but we do live in unprecedented times.
Sure, it would be weird to have a world leader half the world has seen in her birthday suit, but that’s what people would’ve said about the position of First Lady before Melon came along. And having once dumped Kid Rock is just one more reason to like her.
[Global News / CBC]
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