![Key Metrics for Social Media Marketing [Infographic]](https://www.socialmediatoday.com/imgproxy/nP1lliSbrTbUmhFV6RdAz9qJZFvsstq3IG6orLUMMls/g:ce/rs:fit:770:435/bG9jYWw6Ly8vZGl2ZWltYWdlL3NvY2lhbF9tZWRpYV9yb2lfaW5vZ3JhcGhpYzIucG5n.webp "Key Metrics for Social Media Marketing [Infographic]")
BREAKING: Joe Biden committed a devil swear with his tongue and conservatives are offended!
Now, let us be clear. Conservatives are not actually offended by this, deep down in their hearts, just like they are not actually offended that Lizzo did an aggravated fluting. These people could not identify a flute if it tweeted up their asses, and they certainly did not know James Madison had one. It’s just that these people are addicted to being offended and outraged, and they have such suggestible dog brains, therefore they are performatively offended by “Lizzo flute” and “Scooby Doo lesbian” and “Obama tan suit” and “Joe Biden cuss.”
We also know these people have no convictions unless it’s in service of owning the libs. The president at whose feet they worship and whose toe jam they suck for sustenance is a foul-mouthed pig of a man. It’s just like how they’re showing us right now that they don’t really care about abortion, not deep down. They would be perfectly fine with a broken-brained weirdo going Swedish Chef on unborn babies on live television every night, as long as it was their broken-brained weirdo, as long as they did it to own the libs, as long as they were a white supremacist, and/or as long as they said that Swedish Chef-fing unborn babies was something they did before Jesus redeemed them.
It’s all about intent with these people. And with the very hurtful cuss Joe Biden said, they are mad because in MAGA America, you are supposed to cuss Brandon. Brandon is not supposed to cuss you.
Anyway, Biden was at that hurricane event with Governor Miss Sassy Boots and he got caught on a hot mic saying “no one fucks with a Biden” to a Florida mayor:
And then everybody DIED.
And Daily Caller and Benny Johnson and Greg Kelly and The Blaze DIED:
And this guy from Politico tweeted out an article for CONTEXT, because he was like, ooh, I’m a real journalist, what this story needs is CONTEXT, about how Joe Biden is a grown man who sometimes says potty words!
CNN tweeted that Biden had used “profanity,” like it was a headline that in a private conversation Joe Biden said the “F” word. So we’ll mark CNN as one who DIED.
And then last night Tucker Carlson DIED.
And then Laura Ingraham and some little huffy puffy weenus douche sounded like they were hosting “Bronx Beat” or something. incredulously asking, “No one EFFS with a Biden?” The huffy puffy weenus douche was like “Russia EFFS with a Biden!” and Ingraham was like “Oh my GOD!” and the huffy puffy weenus douche was like “South Korea!” and Ingraham was like “OPEC!” and the huffy puffy weenus douche was like “Jill and the Easter Bunny!” and Ingraham was like “Swea-tah Wea-thah!”
So they are also dead, Laura Ingraham and that guy.
Don’t worry, they all got better.
In summary and in in conclusion, every single one of these fucking nerds has once again succeeded in making Joe Biden look even cooler than he did before.
Maybe next they can tell us another one of their EWWWW GROSS stories about how HUNTER BIDEN had a FUN SATURDAY NIGHT that involved HAVING SEX with HOT LADIES and FUN DRUGS and INTERNATIONAL SPYING and some more HOT SEX, like EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YUCK!
And President Joey Brandon is the mastermind of all of it.
Welcome to another new day in the land of very serious American politics!
Follow Evan on Twitter right here!
Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!
