Jim Jordan Has MEDDLED WITH THE PRIMAL FORCES OF NATURE!

Well what a delightful day at Ye Olde Wonkette! We watched Jim Jordan fail again, more, no more than that, again. (We do not have a post on his losing the straw poll to remain Republican speaker nominee; I have requested Robyn grace us with one this weekend.) I sent the livestream to you already, in which I incorrectly stated he was going to try to keep voting until he wore everybody down, like the Khmer Rouge (that’s what they did right, made people keep voting?) or something. Instead, they have gaveled the session closed until Monday.

Imagine Jim Jordan House Speaker Vote Roll-Calling On A Human Face, Forever.

Meanwhile, Gary wrote the best thing anyone has ever written, IN THE WORLD. If nothing else, you will to read it please!

IMPORTANT BREAKING ACHTUNG: Are you coming to my party?

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like WONKETTE DETROIT HALLOWE’EN!

Some 2024 elections stuff!

BRANDON ALERT: Biden Campaign Already Has More Truth Social Followers Than Trump Campaign

Meanwhile, I only let Dok keep this impenetrable headline because he had already made the picture to go with it. I’m such a softie.

Dean Phillips! AHH-Ahhh! Saviour Of Democracy! Dean Phillips! AHH-Ahhh! Just Who The Hell Is He?

Mitt Romney, catty bitch!

Mitt Romney Hates Everyone

Mike DeWine, STOLEN VALOR! STOLEN VALOR!

Gov. Mike DeWine (R) Very Proud Of New EV Charging Stations Ohio Building All By Itself!

See what Robyn did there, in your weekly abortion news roundup?

Workers *Choose* To Not Work For Anti-Choice Ohio Restaurant

To be entirely fair to us, how are we supposed to keep up with SO MANY TRIALS? We are but one (five) man (men and women).

We Forgot Trump Is Still On Trial In New York Too. It’s Going Very Badly For Him!

And as we head toward the weekend (except for Robyn, HAHA WORK WEEKENDS, ROBYN!), here’s Sara with some help of the selfy kind!

Do I Need A Book Agent Or Nah?

And ready? Set! Cocktails!

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week’s Cocktail, Remember The Maine!