Sunday, JD Vance, sociopathic liar and most-disliked vice-presidential candidate in American history, went on the morning talk shows. There he got busted lying and ended up straight-out admitting that he lied about Haitians in Springfield, Ohio, eating pets, just for some racist attention. Also he called Dana Bash disgusting, and told her to shut up.
Yep, Trump campaign going great!
The guy people tell the couch jokes about hit NBC’s “Face the Nation” on Sunday, then CNN, to defend the pet-eating and goose-stealing stories he made up that have endangered his own constituents. Here’s the link to the full CNN interview, if you can stand nearly 17 minutes of him being condescending, shitty and interrupt-y to Dana Bash, and his dead, maquillaged-looking eyes.
Or we will summarize! Dana Bash did her best to stay zen in the face of Vance’s firehose of bullshit, pointing out that the mayor of Springfield has said there is no evidence of immigrants eating pets, or stealing geese. The rumors are hurting citizens, and the mayor has begged Vance to stop. But Vance ain’t stopping, heck nah! The guy who you’d instinctively cover your cocktail around just keeps on doubling and tripling down.
“What’s putting the residents of Springfield at risk … they can’t afford housing, they can’t afford healthcare, the schools have been overwhelmed, the hospitals have been overwhelmed, and they’re overwhelmed because Kamala Harris allowed 20,000 Haitian migrants to get dropped into a small Ohio town of about 40,000 people.”
This is all false, of course. Immigrants are allowed to live wherever they want. Kamala Harris did not pull up in her minivan and “drop” anybody anywhere, and it would not be her job to, even if she wanted to. That’s not how anything works, and that creepy shitheel full-well knows it.
And, the 20,000 number he and Trump have been using seems to be suspect at best. According to census data, as of July 2023, there were 5,264 Haitian-born residents in the entire state of Ohio. The population of Springfield, Ohio has been going down, not up, falling from 58,106 in 2022 to 57,910 in 2024. The Republican Health District Commissioner of Clark County (where Springfield is), Chris Cook, estimates that there are 10,000 to 12,000 Haitian residents in the county, which is a much lower number than 20,000. There has been no spike in diseases in Ohio, or in Clark County. The migrant surge thing, it’s all a bit fishy.
But anyway, back to Dana Bash, and Vance admitting he simply made the whole eating-pets thing up, for attention.
“The American media totally ignored this stuff until Donald Trump and I started talking about cat memes. If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that’s what I’m going to do, Dana, because you guys are completely letting Kamala Harris coast …”
Well, shit. Let us all watch his “I can’t hear you!” pause when he realizes he’s just fessed up to making shit up for attention on national television just because he wants to stir people up into a racist fervor.
And it was all downhill from there! Here comes the “shut up” part!
“What is the implication when you say calling out these problems has caused a bomb threat? You accused me of causing a bomb threat. Doesn’t that mean you should shut up about the residents of Springfield? Don’t you realize you’re engaged in basic propaganda to silence the concerns of American citizens?”
Well, that’s something.
It’s getting ugly in Springfield, uglier than Vance’s horrendous haircut. Bomb and shooting threats have been called in to multiple schools, hospitals and colleges, even the Bureau of Motor Vehicles, and schools have been shut down for days. The Proud Boys have marched through (or, according to right-wing Twitter, “Feds” in Proud Boy outfits with Proud Boy flags, there just to make the Proud Boys look bad). The KKK has shown up to pass around leaflets, because they are old-school like that.
On Friday, Christopher Pohlhaus, leader of the neo-Nazi group Blood Tribe, took credit on Gab for giving Trump and Vance the idea to attack Haitians in Ohio, claiming he came up with it first. Maybe he did! Blood Tribe held an anti-immigration march in Springfield way back on August 10. Remember Pohlhaus? That was the guy who wanted to build a white ethnostate in Maine, at least until he got banned from Planet Fitness. You might recognize him from screaming outside of Disney World, or from yelling at drag shows, with his buddies in their matchy outfits. That’s a lot of anger!
Surely Trump and JD Vance are not taking advice from a guy with scribbles tattooed on his head, and a giant swastika emblazoned on his chest? Surely Trump and Vance came up with the idea to target the hardworking immigrants of Springfield, Ohio, and accuse them of a smorgasbord of disgusting things all on their own?
However it occurred to them, they’ve been running with it, hard. Last Thursday, Trump told a crowd in Tucson all about his imaginary rage hallucinations about “young American girls being raped and sodomized and murdered by savage criminal aliens!” There’s no evidence of any murders or rapes committed by Haitian immigrants in Springfield.
Look, some of the “eat the cat” TikToks and memes have been funny, because what Trump said at the debate is fucking ridiculous. But nothing else is funny about any of this. Springfield is under lockdown, still, thanks to its own senator who is supposed to be helping the town’s residents, and it’s only a matter of time before the made-up stories get someone seriously hurt.
JD Vance knows he’s lying. We know he’s lying. He knows everybody knows he’s lying. Everybody knows that he knows he’s lying! It’s all entertainment for that sick fuck, and no one should ever invite him to speak on TV ever again.
Except for the debate on October 1, where we will all watch Tim Walz spank his ass from here to kingdom come, with great happiness and satisfaction.
