JD Vance Visit Confined To Remote Greenland Space Base Because Everybody Hates Him

Earlier this week the second lady, Usha Vance, gushed to everybody how she and one of her kids were SO excited to visit Greenland on a three-day “cultural” mission to take in a dogsled race, accompanied by Mike Waltz, the National Security Advisor with worse OPSEC than a high school schwag dealer.

Vice President Butthair Sending Wife To Greenland, How Cool And Normal

But the president of Greenland and the heads of every single party did not fall for that pretend social-visit kabuki, seeing it as more of a “highly aggressive” “provocation,” given Trump’s nonstop unga-bunga-ing that he HAS to have the autonomous Danish territory of Greenland, “one way or the other,” so desperately that he might even send in the military to grab it by the puffin. And so the government made it clear that they had not “extended any invitations for any visits, neither private nor official” by JD or his complicit spouse.

Because threatening to invade a fellow member of NATO sure as shit is against the rules. And the administration can’t make enough noise about how they hate Europe now, and Russia is new best friend. Funny how all of the conservatives can’t shut up about Western European values/art/culture is BEST CULTURE, and yet support Trump treating actual Western Europe like utter crap.

Anyway, even the organizers of the Avannaata Qimusserua dogsled race put out a statement like hell no, we didn’t invite her and have no idea what she’s talking about.

So US officials then reportedly went around the island door-to-door trying to find somebody, anybody, who wanted to meet with her, and they found NO ONE, not a single Greenlander, willing to be photographed with her. One travel company briefly fell for the “cultural visit” sham, but quickly changed their minds when they realized she came with bigger baggage than promoting dogsled-tourism, and posted on Facebook, “When the US Consulate called yesterday and asked if the US Vice President’s wife Usha Vance could visit our store on Friday, we replied that she would be happy to. Everyone is welcome in the store. After closer consideration, however, we have now informed the consulate that we do not want her visit, as we cannot accept the underlying agenda.”

So, invited nowhere, officially unwelcome, and with protestors gearing up to shake signs and yell at them everywhere they went (again), Vermont-style, Usha’s three-day trip was annulleret, and changed to a one-day visit with her husband, Waltz, Energy Secretary Chris Wright, and Utah slimeball Senator Mike Lee to the remote US Pituffik Space Base, a missile defense station a thousand miles north of Nuuk.

Vice President Butthair attempted to downplay the rejection of his wife and the diplomatic IBS it had caused. “There was so much excitement around Usha’s visit to Greenland this Friday that I decided that I didn’t want her to have all that fun by herself, and so I’m going to join her,” he smarmed on X.

So much fun! It’s like Usha was planning a trip to Paris to see the Louvre, and now they’ll be sitting in a basement by the train station reading old Parisian telephone directories instead, isn’t that just as much fun?!

Right-wing media has desperately been trying to push this NOT INVITED as anything but a humiliating fail, and sell the stupid idea that the US should take over Greenland for its own good. Don Junior probably railed a line or three before going on Xitter to claim Denmark started it, and so the US should liberate Greenland from mean old Denmark: “the visit also comes on the heels of an ugly, dishonest spat initiated by Denmark, which – after receiving bad press following decades of mistreating the Greenlandic people – is deflecting with attacks on the second lady.” Uh huh.

Former US ambassador to Denmark Carla Sands went on Newsmax to inform their mouth-breathing viewers that before the US had a base there Greenlanders lived in “Stone Age-like conditions due to Denmark’s oppression of the people.” Mmm hmm.

“Comedian” Andrew Schultz went on Fox News to win over hearts and minds: “When they freeze their asses off in a tuktuk, or whatever it’s called in Greenland, we show them what it’s like in Miami in December, and then they’re on board.” HURR DRR!! AMERICA GONNA USE WEATHER MACHINE MAKE GREENLAND A BEACH! (A tuk tuk is a three-wheeled vehicle, like the one Chelsea takes to the hospital in “White Lotus.”)

And not to be outdone, tater tot of the Senate Tommy Tuberville assured Fox News that the Greenlanders are all for being taken over. “When you hear them talk, when they’ve been interviewed over the past few months, they’re all in on it.” (They are not.) It’s not working; 69 percent of Americans still oppose the idea, because it is stupid.

But second dingus Vance showed up to the frozen base anyway today, full of his trademark charm! He griped “it’s cold as shit here!” and marveled about the views from the flight, as if none of the service members had ever flown there themselves. He is SO AWKWARD.

And he said what the administration is really interested in is “Arctic security.” Thought it was minerals? Who can keep track!

Anyway also very interested in that, Putin! Who happened to be at an Arctic-security forum of his own yesterday in Murmansk. Putin does not want NATO to be able to use Greenland as a staging area for conflicts. Wouldn’t it be nice if Russia had a friend that could keep that from happening? As for the US acquiring Greenland, well, everybody said it was crazy for Andrew Jackson to acquire Alaska too!

“Let me remind you that by 1868, American newspapers were ridiculing the purchase of Alaska. It was called ‘madness,’ ‘an ice box’ and ‘the polar bear garden of Andrew Johnson,’” he told the forum. “But today this acquisition, I mean the acquisition of Alaska, is certainly assessed in the United States itself quite differently.”

So that must be what he’s telling Trump during their late-night chats. And then Putin could use Greenland to help Trump take over Canada, wouldn’t that be romantic? Canada would be in a big Pooty sandwich, and Trump could be his little spoon!

Well, good on you, Denmark, way to de-escalate that putz, for now. Hopefully Trump’s goldfish brain will forget the whole dumb idea. We shall see!

[Independent / The London Economic / Guardian / New York Times archive link / Nyheder ]

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