How many days since we made fun of the pig-grundle Republican morons on the House Oversight Committee, led by their fearless dingbat chairman James Comer, who have been investigating Hunter Biden and Joe Biden for months now, and the only thing they’ve found is the same Russian spy farts Rudy Giuliani got addicted to snorting back in Ukraine, all of which was debunked back BEFORE Donald Trump was getting impeached for trying to force that country to help him steal the 2020 election?
Don’t know how many days, but it’s time again.
Because Jamie Comer done released some DOCUMENTS today! OK, it is not really documents, it is more of a memo Comer’s committee composed, which blows the scandal WIDE OPEN!
OK it doesn’t really blow the scandal wide open, it’s more like James Comer picked a corn kernel out of his butt and is using it as a banjo pick to sing another song he made up about alleged Biden family corruption, except for he forgot to include verses, a chorus, a bridge, or any actual accusations against the Bidens.
Also it’s not a song, it’s just a Twitter thread.
Stop making fun of him, he’s just very in over his head here!
OK let’s look at this fucking thing. Are these the BRIBES Joe Biden took, in exchange for changing US policy, like vice presidents always do so much?
In this tweet we learn that “the Bidens & their associates” got some money. Which Bidens? TIME FOR KENTUCKY BANJO SOLO, TELL YOU NEVER!
(You will be surprised to learn that Comer and his committee are not the only lying dogshit Republicans trying to trick you by lobbing extremely vague half-accusations at “the Bidens.”)
Also Joe Biden ate dinner.
That’s the only accusation against him in this entire thing, le spoiler.
“The Bidens and their associates” got $20 million dollars, which is obviously illegal, for they are not allowed to have money. Hunter Biden is shockingly revealed as kind of a tool.
¡Es un escándalo!
Okeydoke.
Hunter Biden got to be on board of energy company.
Vice President Joe Biden went to Ukraine, like some kind of vice president who’s allowed to ride on the plane.
Probably ate dinner there too, the fucking monster.
Hunter Biden maybe got a sports car. Vroom vroom motherfucker.
Did Hunter Biden take his Burisma friends to Kazakhstan to see his Chinese friends? Did he take them in the sports car? Did he let them do the steering wheel while he did the pedals?
Hunter Biden got money again. Joe Biden had dinner again.
And Jamie Comer thinks this is the smoking gun, apparently, because that’s the end of his thread.
Y’all remember a few days ago when Comer went on Hannity and Hannity asked him if whatever Devon Archer taint-sniffing folderol he was babbling about was “officially the Joe Biden bribery allegation, and do you believe that you will be able to prove that?” And like a Southern Baptist prematurely ejaculating in the backseat because he saw a booby, Comer blurted out “I sure hope so!”
At that point, we already knew the closed door testimony of Hunter’s business partner Devon Archer was an absolute wet turd for Republicans, and we found out just how bad it was for them a few days later when the transcript came out.
As the Daily Beast’s Justin Baragona notes, this Twitter thread and memo from Comer are basically just a rebranded version of the failed and pointless Biden Ukraine investigation GOP Senators Ron Johnson and Chuck Grassley released just before the 2020 election, which found zero wrongdoing by Joe Biden. And that, of course, was just a rebranded version of the Rudy Giuliani Russian spy excrement we mentioned above.
What we’re saying is that James Comer is a goddamned winner, and we continue to stand in awe, watching him fly.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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