If there is a doctor in the house, you are probably familiar with the medical procedure where you are not allowed to fly anywhere in the world for weeks afterward, unless it is to Rome, in which case you may be able to fly. Perhaps it’s some sort of special procedure that requires a blessing from the pope within a certain number of days.

We are burying the lede here.

Rudy Giuliani says he can’t possibly testify for the grand jury in Fulton County, Georgia, today, because of “medical procedure,” which prohibits him from flying. The district attorney there, Fani Willis, is investigating Team Trump’s possibly (LOL) criminal efforts to overturn the 2020 election in Georgia, and Rudy Giuliani was a big part of that, specifically related to those batshit “voter fraud hearings” he did all over the country, including in Georgia.

He’s supposed to be testifying as we type this. Instead his lawyers are arguing for why he can’t.

A lawyer for the former New York City mayor submitted doctors notes to the Fulton County District Attorney’s office saying that Giuliani is recovering from a “recent invasive procedure” following a “complex artery diagnosis” and isn’t yet cleared for air travel.

Sure, we bet. Just gonna write that down in our memory bank as “sprained chram.” And then after that, we’re gonna write “ALLEGEDLY.”

Rudy’s lawyers swear he is not trying to inappropriately delay his testimony, and say he offered to testify virtually or just wait until his doctors say he is allowed to go to Atlanta. (How generous of him.) In response, the DA’s office said it’d be glad to buy old decrepit Rudy a seat on a train or a Greyhound. Which is hilarious, because Rudy strikes us as the kind of trashy-ass, utterly classless walking wet fart who happens to have money and therefore likely believes he’s above riding the Greyhound.

Fani Willis’s office also noted:

It also said that it had obtained evidence that Giuliani had purchased airline tickets to Italy and Switzerland for late July dates shortly after his medical procedure — though it doesn’t specify whether Giuliani used the tickets.

“Based on the foregoing, the District Attorney respectfully requests that the Court deny Rudolph William Louis Giuliani’s motion and order him to comply with … (court orders) commanding his appearance before the special grand jury instanter,” Willis wrote.

And thus our questions above.

But perhaps, having sprained his chram in a Pinewood Derby where all the racecars are chrams (allegedly), and having now had a “recent invasive procedure” on it to turn it back into the fine specimen of chram he likes to use for chram races (allegedly), Rudy now needs to go to Italy for the final part of the procedure, the blessing of the chram from the pope. (Allegedly?)

Maybe there is a special during the first week of August every year at the Vatican where chram blessings are half off.

Look, we are just spitballing here, about medical science procedures that could prevent Rudy Giuliani from telling the Fulton County grand jury about all his participation in the Trump scheme to overturn the 2020 election in Georgia.

Giuliani got his subpoena from Fulton County back around the fourth of July. As the Atlanta Journal Constitution explains, he was supposed to show up in a New York courtroom July 13 to argue why he should be able to tell Georgia to fuck off. When he didn’t, New York State Supreme Court Justice Thomas Farber ordered Giuliani to get his ass down to Georgia to start testifying starting August 9, which is today.

Giuliani’s lawyer says he only found out about the New York hearing the day before, and besides, he was already recovering from his “procedure” — Botox for his chram? We are just asking out of concern for Rudy’s health! — and by the time he saw it, it was too late. Therefore Farber’s order is unfair and invalid, we guess.

The point is that all of this is tyranny and Rudy Giuliani is too good to take the Greyhound and Rudy Giuliani’s penis hurts too much to fly, allegedly, the end.

[Atlanta Journal Constitution]

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