We have had occasion the past couple days to feature Jesse Watters, quite frankly one of the creepiest trolls Rupert Murdoch ever has let darken the door of Fox News. But we wanted to get a few of his post-Trump-raid clips in the same place, just to give us all a sense of just how much he is personally melting down over this whole situation.
So if you will, please imagine a young Eric Trump, all alone at Mar-a-Lago, shivering in the dark, and he’s crying because his mommy just died. And imagine a bunch of men in suits show up to look at the boxes of state secrets his daddy may be keeping in the basement. And imagine those men take away Daddy’s boxes. Just imagine!
Jesse Watters wants you to imagine that. Jesse Watters said on “The Five” yesterday that the entire country feels “violated” right now. That’s right, bless his heart. Jesse Watters and the entire country have been “violated,” because their beloved human scabbed-over anal fissure had his ugly trash castle raided in Palm Beach.
“I’m angry, I feel violated, the whole country feels violated.”
“Imagine you’re Eric Trump, and you’re at Mar-a-Lago, that’s your home, your mother has just died!”
You thought we were kidding. We were not.
During the same show, Watters lied to viewers about what the Presidential Records Act is:
“The Presidential Records Act,” he said incredulously. “That’s like a librarian sending the armed agents into your house. The Presidential Records Act? First of all, we can’t even trust this warrant wasn’t corrupt. I mean, they cooked up a fake warrant last time when they spied on the Trump campaign.”
Nobody spied on the Trump campaign, Jesse Watters is being an ignorant liar again. Also, we don’t know what conspiracy theories Watters is conflating in his admittedly limited brain, but we are guessing when he talks about “fake warrant” he is trying to talk about the Carter Page warrant, which was neither “fake” nor “cooked up.” It wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t a real scandal.
MAGA morons are screaming “but her emails!” a lot right now, and Watters took his turn with that last night. But Watters took his turn in the weirdest way, suggesting Hillary Clinton literally poured acid on a bunch of her own emails. As if there’s some process whereby if you print out emails, take them to the backyard, and pour acid over them, they no longer exist.
And sure, you may say that Fox News’s particular audience is incredibly stupid, and incredibly non-tech-savvy, and has to call their grandkids on a regular basis to print out Facebook. Yes, you may say that. Watters, knowing that, went ahead and made that argument, for people too dumb to understand they were being manipulated by Jesse Watters.
We don’t even know what this next one is, but it’s Jesse Watters screaming “WHAT ABOUT NANCY?” Watters apparently believes Nancy Pelosi has “scrubbed the internet” of all evidence she brought her son to Asia to do “lithium deals and electric car battery deals.” Watters says Nancy Pelosi’s son is “Hunter Biden without the crack pipe.”
WHAT ABOUT NANCY!
He’s just kind of losing his mind.
We included this in our post this morning, but the next one is Watters with Lindsey Graham, desperately begging Graham to explain why he isn’t more personally freaked out by the Trump FBI raid, and spreading conspiracy theories about the FBI planting evidence at Mar-a-Lago. “We know they doctor evidence, we know they plant evidence, we know they hide evidence, we know they lie, we know they leak!”
“I don’t understand why people aren’t lighting their hair on fire! I don’t understand why people aren’t out in the streets!”
“These people are OUT OF CONTROL, SENATOR!”
Someone is out of control, that is for sure.
Watters elsewhere claimed, based on the sources in his ass, that the FBI planted evidence “during the Russia hoax.” What was he talking about? Only people who huff raw fumes from between Donald Trump’s asscheeks know.
During the same show, Jesse screamed:
- “You can’t just break into a president’s safe and then go silent!” (What president, Jesse? Where? What do you see? What year do you think it is? How many fingers?)
- “This is unforgivable. Here are some answers we need: Why did they shop the warrant to a judge involved with Jeffrey Epstein? The judge is an Obama donor. He’s a magistrate judge, Bruce Reinhart, who helped Epstein’s associates get off.” (Wow, we bet that is all some journalism research Jesse Watters did himself! Definitely does not sound like they’re just putting the name “Jeffrey Epstein” into this because they know it’s a good way to mash at their viewers’ anger G-spots. Quick, somebody say “George Soros!”)
- “Why is this being done out of a DC situation instead of Florida? Because the guy who’s running the FBI field office cooked up the fake Gretchen Whitmer kidnapping plot!” (What, you didn’t know the Gretchen Whitmer kidnapping plot was “fake”? That’s because you don’t watch Fox News, where they just make up shit.)
This was just Jesse Watters all fucking day, because apparently he is allowed to be on Fox News all fucking day now. (We guess there are no cars nearby with fully inflated tires owned by pretty girls, and he’s taking a break this week from inciting irrational hatred against abortion doctors who help 10-year-old little girls.)
This is what it looks like when you’re just desperately throwing every piece of feces you can find on the floor at Fox News — and apparently there are a lot — at the wall, hoping against hope something will stick.
This may be what it looks like when you know your vile, decrepit, inferior Dear Leader has been caught.
Thoughts and prayers.
[Mediaite]
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