That spunky bucket of Kentucky fried hog gristle up there is GOP Rep. James Comer, the new Republican chair of the House Oversight Committee, and as you can see in this video that made him famous, which we will post every day for the next two years, he’d like to keep this about Hunter Biden. He thinks it’s pretty important.
He’s so excited. And he’s so upset with the reporters asking about things that aren’t Hunter Biden’s laptop or Hunter Biden’s penis or Hunter Biden’s Ukrainian Chinese Burisma. He’s got that big square head and that grin that looks like God put a permanent “kick me” sign on his poor face. His cheeks are flush, we imagine his heart rate is a bit elevated. It’s Hunter Fuckin’ Biden Time, y’all!
Can we keep it about Hunter Biden? James Comer really needs y’all to keep this about Hunter Biden.
And according to ABC News, that wish has been granted, and his investigation has officially begun. He has sent out a whole bunch of letters, and they are good letters, and they are important letters, because James Comer is a good and important man. James Comer’s got his Hunter Biden Thermos in his Hunter Biden lunchbox and he’s wearing his favorite Hunter Biden Underoos and his mom said not to let all the kids at school who sneeringly chant things like “James and Hunter Biden sittin’ in a tree, L-A-P-T-O-P-P-I-N-G” at him hurt her beloved boy’s feelings.
James Comer is asking for, nay demanding, testimony from former Twitter execs who HID HUNTER BIDEN’S PENIS UNDER A BUSHEL before the 2020 election and he is demanding Hunter Biden secrets from the Treasury Department.
Dear Janet Yellen, SEND JAMES COMER all your suspicious Hunter Biden reports!
Dear everybody who used to work for Twitter, JAMES COMER WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU on February 6 for a hearing about Hunter Biden’s penis, PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN!
Comer explained to ABC News why this is very important:
In a statement to ABC News, Comer called the Biden probe a “top priority for House Republicans during the 118th Congress.”
“The American people must know the extent of Joe Biden’s involvement in his family’s shady business deals and if these deals threaten national security and his decision-making as president,” Comer said.
OK, man, hands where we can see ’em.
The White House is acting like James Comer is not even a serious person doing a serious investigation into the president’s son’s great big ginormous honking Johnsonville Brat:
In response to the letters, a White House spokesperson told ABC News, “In their first week as a governing majority, House Republicans have not taken any meaningful action to address inflation and lower Americans’ costs, yet they’re jumping out of the gate with political stunts driven by the most extreme MAGA members of their caucus in an effort to get attention on Fox News.”
“The President is going to continue focusing on the important issues the American people want their leaders to work together on, and we hope House Republicans will join him,” the statement said.
Rude.
But James Comer will not be deterred.
He knows that a journey to Hunter Biden’s penis begins with a single step, that he can do all things through Hunter Biden’s penis which strengthens him, and that ask not what Hunter Biden’s penis can do for you, ask what YOU can do for Hunter Biden’s penis.
And that when the going gets Hunter Biden’s penis, the Hunter Biden’s penis gets going.
And that if you build Hunter Biden’s penis, it will come.
We’ll see ourselves out.
[ABC News]
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